Not Quite A Woman

Apology for my Mom

Are you home, mom?

I worry when you're not here -

please don't leave me alone,

I always worry about you.

I promise I'll thank you more,

if you promise not to go without me.

I want you to know that it's okay that Dad doesn't like me,

and it's okay that you brought me to him, mom.

I just need to grieve him a little longer more -

but know that I would rather be here,

be with you.

You're not the reason I want to be alone.

Please don't leave me alone.

Even though I don't think God loves me -

I can go to church with you

(or at least read the Bible). Mom -

I'm so scared of you leaving me alone here -

swear on God that you won't, and then promise me some more.

But I will always want, always need, more.

You're not the reason I want to be alone,

but a part of you represents the problems here.

This house will never quite fit me,

and I know that I need to leave, but Mom -

I don't know if I can leave you.

I'm too young to leave you.

I can clean my room more -

I know how much you hate mess, mom.

Please don't leave me alone.

You can do my hair, even if it doesn't suit me;

I'll sit on your bed while you do, and I'll promise to stay here.

But I'm too tired to stay here,

at least for much longer - and I swear it isn't you,

and I know I don't usually tell you how I feel, but this matters to me.

Just leave me be a little longer more.

You're not the reason I want to be alone.

You're a good mom.

I'm sorry that I don't pray more.

Please don't leave me alone.

Mom?