My Mind and Me :') (stories included)

Me

I've done things for people that people wouldn't do for me Even though I can be a real bitch sometimes. Tbh it depends on if you done something I don't appreciate. When I ask someone if their okay, they're always suspicious of me. They just don't know the real me. And they never will because I have major trust issues.
I say to people that I talk to that they're not my friends and that I just talk to them because I'm bored.
I've finally started to accept people I talk to as my friends. Which is very unlikely of me. They're more like apprentices right now. And I'm learning to accept them.
Until they do shit that hurt me -.-
Or they try to.
This one girl I thought I was really close with keeps trying to put me on blast by telling everybody ik in a gc that I cried bc I felt bad that I started a whole argument.
They don't realize how badly that has an affect on me.
Now I can't trust them with anything I tell them because they'll use it against me.
And they say pasts aren't an excuse for who you are now and I find that really stupid. Sometimes bullies have stuff that has happened to them that could be really traumatic that changed themselves. I find it unfair because that's happened to me. People don't realize how tough in can be for some people. This one girl had a very bad past but she was never an asshole or anything. That's because she isn't affected the way others are.
This is why I hate people and hardly have faith in humanity.