Prologue. Wanderer
“That night when the accident occurred, I was the one driving the car,” I paused as I tried to remember all the happenings back then.
“My fiancé doesn’t know how to drive,” I said carefully. “He have a phobia with roads and highways—or even the cars itself,” pagpapatuloy ko kahit nagsisimula na naman manginig ang boses ko sa sobrang pagpipigil na hindi maiyak.
"He also have a phobia with speed.. " I breathe in and out to calm my pounding heart a little. Darn, naiiyak na ako.
"Sinabi niya sa'kin noon before that I am his safe place wherein he can find his calm and peace," I muttered with a small smile curved on my lips as I wipe the teardrop that attempt to roll down my cheek.
"When I was the one whose driving, kumakalma siya. Hindi umaatake ang anxiety nito sa kalsada kasi.. he never cease to trust me. He believe there is no danger that will going to happen if it was me who will drive for him," Saad ko at huminga nang malalim. Nilingon ko saglit ang kausap ko kung nandiyan pa siya at nakikinig sa 'kin. And yes, he's still there, staring at me as if he's studying every bit of my face.
I smiled at him and return my gaze in front, watching the structures of buildings afar. They seemed too small up here and that makes them beautiful under the setting sun. Nasa rooftop kami ngayon ng isang ospital na hindi pamilyar sa akin. I've never been here — I've never been in a hospital in general. I feared it.
I desperately want to remember why I feared hospitals, but my mind would never cooperate. Hindi ko na sinubukan ulit na alalahanin.
Tumingala ako para tanawin ang kumakahel na kalangitan. The mixture of yellow and orange rays from the setting sun made the world look so peaceful from here. It is as if everyone were also watching it in awe, couldn't help but to keep the silence and just enjoy the astounding view above.
I used to love capturing aesthetic scenarios, but as for now, I can't hold a camera. I am unable to hold anything other than myself.
I was enjoying the view when the guy beside me break the silence all of a sudden.
"Do.. do you have a child?" Biglang tanong nito. Wala sa sariling nabatukan ko siya.
Kahit kailan talaga panira siya ng moment.
"Aray, nagtatanong lang naman ako," Angil niya habang sapo ang nasaktang batok.
"Ano ba naman kasing tanong 'yan, Cohen?" I asked him. "Masyado pa akong bata sa panahon na 'yon. I was just sixteen when we were engaged and we planned to get married when I turn eighteen." Sumimangot ako sa kaniya.
"I am still too young to be a mother, you know." Tumango-tango naman siya at sinenyasan ako na magpatuloy sa pagkukwento.
So, I did continue.
"It was.. maybe.. five in the afternoon when the accident happened." I swallowed the lump in my throat as those scenarios flash infront of my eyes.
Parang ganitong oras din nangyari ang trahedya na 'yon, but the only difference is that.. there was no sunset. I can't see the sun — pero hindi ko alam kung bakit.
I can't remember what the skies looked like at that exact time.
"Nagulat ako noon nang may.. may biglang nag-overtake sa amin. Alam ko naman na mabagal talaga ako magmaneho kaya hinayaan ko nalang dahil normal lang naman 'yon. It is not as if it was the very first time I encountered such." Tumigil ako saglit at napatungo sa mga kamay ko na ngayon ay nanginginig na. So I balled my hands to stop it from trembling.
