Dream Girl

Hesitations

They must have been walking for almost an hour.

Jane didn't know how it started nor who paused by the street lamp. All she recalled was Maura's dimples as she laughed; their arms brushing against each other with each step; her hypnotizing vanilla and amber perfume, and how all she wanted was to get lost in her and never return.

The next thing she knew, her eyes were shut, and she could feel the blonde's warmth beneath her hands—their lips pressed together as they lazily tasted one another. Gently, the detective moved Maura's hair aside for better access, kissing her neck and temple. When she felt her pushing her body closer, Jane gave her a quick kiss on the lips and pulled apart.

Gazing into her, she tried to process what just happened. Everything was happening too fast. If she stopped to think, she was afraid the moment would easily slip, and she would never be able to catch it again. A million reasons told her to slow down, but she wasn't really listening to any of that.

J: "My place is just around the corner. Do you wanna come inside and have a drink?"

Blushing, Maura stared at the floor and smiled. Then, she nodded her head and wrapped her arms around Jane's.

M: "This is a really charming neighborhood."

J: "What? You thought I was still living in South Boston?"

M: "That's not what I meant...I'm just surprised you don't live closer to your family. I always knew you were set for great things."

J: "Yeah? What do you think I do for a living?"

M: "Something you love."

J: "What if I told you I have a crappy job?"

M: "Jane Rizzoli doing something she hates? Highly unlikely."

Laughing, Jane stood by her front door, rummaging for the keys.

J: "My family doesn't live there anymore."

M: "...How are Frankie and Tommy?"

J: "You remember them?"

M: "Of course! You were always so protective and caring."

J: "Like when I almost got suspended because I shoved Frankie against a wall?"

M: "Well...I'm pretty sure you had a good excuse. You would never hurt him for no reason. Rumour has it you were fighting over a girl."

J: "And me thinking Maura Isles knew better than to gossip! But...yeah, it was something like that."

It was her. They were fighting over her.

When the brunette heard her little brother babbling to his friends about Maura, she lost it. He didn't notice her approaching, but when he did, the damage was already done. One minute he was drooling over the blonde, telling all the guys he knew ways to make her loosen up and stop acting so uptight; the next, he was against the wall.

If Jane had heard him talking that way about any girl, she would get furious, but hearing him say those things about the one she was secretly in love with...before she realized what was going on, she had already reacted. Only later that week, after cooling down, she had a serious talk with him about why he shouldn't listen to his idiotic friends when it comes to women and how he could become a respectful good man.

_____________________________________

With Maura sitting on the couch, the detective pulled two beers from the fridge.

She couldn't remember the last time she was this nervous.

Having a beautiful woman, alone, in her home always made her moderately tense, but the anticipation of having them was usually strong enough to hide her insecurities. This time, she was actually panicking. More eager than ever but, definitely, more anxious...it didn't matter. This was no time for regrets. It was now or never.

Sitting down near her, she noticed the blonde smiling and shifting on her seat. Handing her one of the beers, their fingers unexpectedly touched, making Maura flush.

J: "Sorry. I only had beer."

M: "This is perfect. Not my usual choice, but it sort of reminds me of college."

J: "Was that your rebellious phase?"

M: "Well...I was still very boring, but I guess I did some interesting things as well. You?"

J: "I calmed down after high school."

M: "You weren't that bad, Jane."

J: "Say that to my mom!"

Smirking, Maura moved closer.

J: "I didn't see you in other reunions."

M: "I was working. Outside the country...then in New York and Chicago. Also, Washington for a while."

J: "So...you're wasting your holidays here or...?"

M: "I moved last week. I start work on Monday."

J: "What do you do?"

M: "I just got made chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts."

With that, Jane's heart skipped a beat, and she felt her stomach sinking. Suddenly she didn't know what to do, what to say or how she was supposed to act. Suddenly, she became more aware of why and how scared she was of Maura as a teen. She was terrified. Maybe more than ever. Maybe more than when Hoyt pinned her down.

This was supposed to be easy. This was supposed to be one night of no regrets. But not anymore. How could she allow herself to take a risk, knowing they would be working together? She could have never. Maura was a stunning and fascinating woman. She couldn't afford ruining what they might become over foolish feelings that should have died a long time ago. She would rather keep her potential friendship. After all, this infatuation would probably burn out quickly.

J: "I guess we're gonna see each other a lot."

M: "How come?"

J: "I'm a detective at BPD."

M: "Really!? That's incredible, Jane! I know how hard it can be for a woman, especially when you're so young. I'm very impressed."

J: "I'm not the one who got made chief ME..."

Blushing, Maura gently moved closer. When she was about to reach her arm, Jane got up.

J: "Do you want another beer?"

The detective cursed herself for getting away, but she had to think clearly and do the right thing. Immediately feeling guilty as she saw the blonde's reaction. Maura was evidently disappointed and embarrassed.

M: "I'm good. I...I think I should be going. It's getting late."

After a few minutes of silence, the ME got up.

Jane knew what was going on. She had enough experience to do so. She knew Maura was waiting for her to ask her to stay—a silent consent that they could continue what they were there to do.

M: "Thank you for this evening...See you Monday?"

J: "Sure...If you want, we can meet at the BPD Café in the morning, and I'll show you around."

M: "I would love to. Goodnight, Jane."

Giving her a faint smile, she left.

Jane wanted to hug her. But she didn't. She was afraid that if she did so, she wouldn't be able to stop herself.

The night that was supposed to be about no regrets could easily be turned into many regrets. She couldn't allow it.