Secrets of the heart

I'm confused

I didn't think she would take that compliment the way she did. If only she had reacted that way when I complimented her. My mom promises to leave us alone after I tell her we're gonna go up to my room. I've never had a girl in my room before. We walk to the end of the hall where my room is. I left her enter first. I contemplate closing the door but quickly dismiss it.

She sits on my bed and I lean on the door frame and watch her. She kicks her shoes off and looks up at me patting the spot next to her. "I won't bite" she says with a smile. Sounds a little sketchy. "I don't know, you might be a vampire" I say folding my arms raising my brow.

"If I was I would have already bitten you. Also I wouldn't be able to sit in the sun with you" she says. I open my mouth to say something clever but come up with nothing so I close it. "Good point" I say walking towards the bed. I sit next to her. "Do you always go to people's houses and take your shoes off?" I ask curious.

"Not unless I'm really comfortable" she says. "So your comfortable in my room?" I ask. How is that? "Surprisingly, yes" she says looking around. That's odd. We turn to each other at the same time and almost Headbutt. I didn't even notice we were sitting that close. I pause for a moment and take in her presence. Her beauty, he closeness, and her smell. She smells so sweet. It can't describe it.

I realize I'm staring hard. "This is weird don't you think?" I ask breaking her trance. "Huh" she says returning to earth from wherever she's been. " Don't you think this is weird?" I ask. "What's weird?" She's asks. "Us sitting here, you being here in my room. Isn't this all a little weird I mean I just met you and I already feel-" I trail off. Don't be stupid.

"You already feel what" she says putting her foot on the bed. What do I feel? Do I like her? No way I can't I just met her. I can't get too attached to her, she might not stay. "Noah you haven't answered my question" she says making me lose my train of thought.

"Oh, um nothing" I say looking everywhere but at her. " Your a terrible liar. Just tell me" she says. "I can't" the words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. Dammit. I make sure not to look her way but I can feel her staring. "Why not?" She asks. I don't answer I just sit there and look at my hands. She gets up from the bed quickly.

I look up and she walks toward the door. Don't leave, please stay. Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut. She pushes the door closed quietly and looks at me. That's not what I expected. She walks back to the bed and sits down. She wipes her face with both her hands as if she's about to cry. I put my hand on her back.

"Are you gonna tell me or am I just going to have to figure it out myself?" She asks impassive. I move my hand from off her back and put it on the bed. This is gonna be hard to explain. I exhale. "I thought you were gonna leave just now" that's all I can say at the moment. "Why would I leave?" She asks getting comfortable on my bed. Why would she leave?

"I don't know. Maybe because I wouldn't tell you what you wanted to know" I say looking down at my knotted fingers. "I wouldn't leave just because of that. You'd have to make me mad or something" she says reassuringly. I exhale again. I lay back on my bed.

She stares at me for a moment and smiles before copying my action. I stare at the ceiling "I know your staring at me Amara" I say trying not to laugh. " I can't help it" she says giggling. " and why can't you help it" I say turning on my side. "Because your really cute" she says and I instantly turn red.

She laughs. Does she do this on purpose? I pout and she pokes my cheek and I flinch. "Sorry" she says. It's not your fault. "It's okay. It was just unexpected" I say. "You must except the unexpected" she says in a serious voice. I'll take that into consideration. I stare at her. She has beautiful eyes. I could look at them all day. She looks as though she's fighting some internal struggle.

You and me both Amara. You and me both. "I like you" she says almost in a whisper. I blink rapidly. Did she really just that or am I just imagining that. There's no way this can be real. I was supposed to tell her. I was going to tell her. She turns on her side without breaking eye contact.

Without even knowing it I grab her head and pull her towards me. Then suddenly my lips are on hers. She doesn't try to push me back. I can feel her relax under my hold. She was so tense. This is like her release. This is my release for sure. When I pull back and open my eyes she's staring at me bitting her lip.

"Is this a dream?" I ask out loud. I just can't control myself today. "I don't think so" she says. Before I know it she's got my bottom lip in between her lips. I doesn't hurt like I thought it would it actually feels good. "I like you too" I say. Her eyes light up "Really?" She asks.

"Yeah, that's what I was gonna tell you but you beat me to the punch I guess" I say feeling ashamed. I should have told her first. Then something pops into my head. "You don't have a boyfriend do you?" I ask anxiously. "No, I'm not allowed to date until I'm 16." She says. I exhale relived. " Why don't you have a girlfriend?" She asks and my cheeks burn red. "How did you know I didn't have one?" I ask curious. Must be obvious.

She makes a face at me. "Because your not allowed to date yet" I say. She smiles and kisses my lips. I could get used to that. She rolls on her back and stretches her arms in the air to yawn, as she does so the sleeves of her sweater fall down. She puts her hands behind her head and closes her eyes. I notice something that scares me. I sit up quickly for a better look and realize what I had seen wasn't my imagination.

She has scars on her arm. Cut across, some thicker then others. That's not what scares me the most. What scares me the most is the four cuts that are on her wrists that are still red and some with dried blood. I think I'm gonna faint. I feel my face paling. She opens her eyes as if remembering something.

She sits up and sees my face and instantly knows what's happened. She tries to cover her arm but I grab it and she winces. Didn't mean to grab it like that I just wanted to see. I pull the sleeve all the way down and examine the arm. I look at her, back at the arm then her again. "Why?" I ask holding back the tears. She drops her head and I think she's gonna cry.

"Because" she says in a low voice. "Because what?" I ask. Then I realize why she's here. " You said you were gonna tell me Your secrets. Is this one of them?" I ask. She nods and covers her face. " I can't help it. It makes me feel better, makes me feel . . . normal" she says. "Why did you do these?" I ask pointing at the fresh cuts. "It's nothing. I'm okay" she says.

"No" it's out of my mouth before I realize it. She looks up "what?" I grab the sides of her face. "This is not okay. I'll help you. I'll make everything okay." I say. She starts to cry. I just hold her.