Rotting World, Blossoming Love I ONC 2021

Chapter 6

When I reach Nathan, he is standing with his back to me, breathing heavily.

Experience has taught me that many people want to be alone when they are angry. I know I do.

However, I find myself unable to abandon Nathan there, seething in anger. It doesn't seem right. I want to help him feel better, even if I am not sure how to do that.

"Nathan," I say, gently lowering my hand on his shoulder.

He pivots around to face me so quickly that I move back, startled by his speed. Though I shouldn't have been so surprised by his keen reflexes. After all, in his line of work, they are probably necessary for survival.

"I am sorry I didn't mean to startle you," Nathan says before I can gather my wits to say something, anything.

"That's okay. I am easily startled anyway," I say.

A ghost of a smile crosses his face, and it makes me wonder what he is thinking about. How can so many conflicting emotions occupy the same place? How can they coexist inside Nathan?

"Can I please hug you?" Nathan suddenly asks.

The question bursts out of him. From the way his eyes widen, I realize that he didn't plan on saying that out loud, that he was embarrassed by what he asked of me.

As awkward as his question is and as weirded out as I would have been if someone had asked me the same thing in the past, I realize that now it feels natural. It feels like something we all need more of, affection, proximity.

"Sure," I say before he has the chance to apologize for something that I don't think he should apologize for.

Humans need affection, and the fact that the world has ended doesn't change that. In fact, I think it only amplifies our need to be close to each other whether we are aware of it or not.

However, most of us choose to ignore that need knowing that it would hurt so much more if that person were to die, or even worse if they turned.

Nathan seems stunned by my answer, but he doesn't say anything. He just closes the distance between us and engulfs me in an affectionate hug that chases away the constant chills that reside in my very core.

His unfamiliar scent washes over me, soothing me more than I ever thought possible. All that exists is the so foreign and yet so familiar smell. It is the scent of grass and wet earth just after the rain, offering freedom and renewal.

"Thank you," he murmurs in my ear as his cool breath causes the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up.

It's odd how comforted I feel while attempting to offer some solace to him. I can't help but wonder if that's what people were talking about if that's what they've been looking for, that elusive feeling of belonging.

"You're welcome," I whisper back, unsure of what I should say.

It doesn't feel awkward that I am standing in the middle of a rotting world, hugging a guy I don't even know. On the contrary, it feels like just the right thing to do. It's as if my instincts are telling me that this is it, that this is right.

Before everything became chaotic when things were 'normal', I had never thought much about intuition or instincts. I believed that all social conventions had to be followed, that everything had to happen in a certain way.

However, now I am not so sure. Perhaps all we truly need is to follow our gut, our heart, and everything will be okay.

"You are so much more than any of us deserve," Nathan says.

"What do you mean?" I say, breaking the hug so that I can look him in the eyes.

"You are incredibly kind and compassionate to everyone. While we don't even stop to show you how much we appreciate you for the great person that you are. We make you feel like you are less than us when you are so much more," Nathan says.

"You don't do that. You gave me more compliments than most people have even before the zombies took over the world.

"I don't think anyone is better or worse. We all just have different strengths and weaknesses. Mine are just less useful for this type of world," I say.

Nathan doesn't seem convinced but noting how difficult it is for me to accept a compliment, he doesn't say anything else.

"You know Jason isn't a bad guy," I say though I know that it might make him angry again.

Nevertheless, I feel the need to defend Jason's actions even though I disagree with them. Even though in the depths of my heart, I condemn them more than I've ever condemned anything.

"Maybe not, but what he did is despicable. What's the point of surviving the zombie apocalypse if we become worse monsters than those we are fighting for? Without our humanity, we are nothing. I would know," Nathan says.

"What do you mean 'you would know'?" I ask, catching the odd tone of voice he used for the last part.

"In my line of work, I've always struggled with what it means to be human. How to preserve my humanity while doing things that were anything but humane. Sometimes the orders I received made me question everything I thought I knew about my country, my mission.

"Marissa, there were times I doubted our orders, moments when I doubted whether I was a good guy. Then I would return home, and just being around my parents would make me feel human again. It would show me what it meant to truly be human," Nathan says.

The contradiction is difficult for me to understand. However, it feels like things have been far more difficult for Nathan. In comparison to his life, mine has been perfect.

Though nothing exciting ever happened, at least I never had to question my humanity or take someone's life. I had the luxury of safety that I didn't really appreciate at the time.

"I think you've managed to stay more human than most people I know," I say with a smile.

"Why, thank you," Nathan says, bowing dramatically.

"Do you think Jason would do anything so dangerous again?" I ask, my brain suddenly switching gears.

"I don't think so. At least not without consulting everyone and pointing out all the possible dangers. Jason doesn't seem like the kind of guy who makes the same mistake twice," Nathan says.

"Professor, new guy, Jason called a meeting now," Jared says, looking far calmer than I expected him to be.

"What is the meeting about?" I ask.

Jason rarely held any meetings as he usually made all the decisions. Thus, the situation sounds dire in my mind.

"Oh, not much, just going through a zombie-infested city that he failed to inform us about. Same old, same old," Jared says, sounding bored.

However, I could see the anger boiling on the surface of his calm facade.

"What?" I ask.

"There seem to have been some changes, and the route we were supposed to take is blocked by fallen trees or something. So, now our fearless leader has the idea of going through the city center where we will be sitting ducks for every starved zombie in the city," Jared said.

"He must have a plan," Nathan says rationally.

"Probably, but if it's the one everyone survives or not is the question," Jared says as he walks away.

Nathan and I hurry after him as we are both curious to know how one goes through a city full of flesh-eating zombies and lives to tell the tale. The fact that safety is close at hand makes this challenge even more daunting in my mind.

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