Once Again

84

Jin put his things away in the overhead compartment before sitting down and making himself comfortable on the plush seat. Across the aisle, he could see his son checking out the amenities around his seat. This was Minjoon's first time in a first class cabin, and the boy was quite excited.

Jin raised his eyes to observe the man sitting on Minjoon's other side. He couldn't help but smile at the man's similar excitement as he echoed every one of Minjoon's discoveries. Haein looked like he had wandered into a shop in Hogwarts.

It was a nice bit of luck running into Haein two weeks ago when Jin was in town. Haein was visiting Ireland as part of a graduation present that he had gifted himself, and the beautiful town of Kinsale was his final stop. When Haein had called out Jin's name, it had stunned him into silence.

The reunion between the two men had been bittersweet because the last time Jin saw Haein, he had been heartbroken and angry over Taehyung's death. It had felt like providence when Haein announced that he was returning to South Korea because Jin had been toying with the idea as well.

It has been seven years since Taehyung's death. Seven years since Jin lost his husband and daughter. The loss had been great and left Jin feeling like a boat at sea without an engine or an anchor. In his grief, Jin had opted to leave everything and take his son with him.

He had transferred ownership of his restaurant to the Jung cousins, sold the beautiful Tokyo minka that he had called home, put all of his belongings into storage, and flown to Europe. He wanted to put as much distance as possible between himself and the painful memories. He wanted to get as far away as he could from Jungkook. He wanted to find the person that he was before.

During the seven years that Jin travelled to find himself, he returned to his medical roots several times. He lent his skills during an epidemic in a rural village in Tyrol, triaged a motorway pile-up on the outskirts of Westphalia, and delivered two babies in the dead of night in a walled town in Concarneau. Helping others gave him a sense of purpose and made him feel worthy but it was in a village just outside of Talamone that he finally found himself.

When Jin and Minjoon landed on Talamone, there was never any plan to stay longer than six months. On average, he and his son would stay in a village or town for three months before moving on to the next. It had worked out wonderfully so far because it gave him an opportunity to visit all of the places that Taehyung had been to in his line of work and reconnect with his sense of adventure.

It had always been Taehyung's dream when he was still alive, to take Jin on a trip around the world. He wanted to show Jin all of his favourite places, and he wanted Jin to share in his love and affection for them. They had often talked about how, when Minjoon was older, Tae was going to go on sabbatical and they would travel while educating their son about the many different countries, culture, and cuisine. They wanted their son to appreciate his lot in life, and be considerate of others.

It had been quite a startling discovery for Jin because he soon realised that though he adored his late husband, there were times when he didn't like him. He uncovered this as he faithfully followed the maps and journals that Taehyung had collected and put away in preparation for their future trip. Some of the observations that Taehyung made in his journals were downright rude, and it made Jin wish that his husband was still alive so he could slap him on the back of his head for his impudence.

The discovery was a bitter pill to swallow because when Taehyung was alive, Jin had always viewed him as a perfect and well-travelled gentleman who had much to teach him. A connoisseur of life who saved him so he could experience a life that was almost denied to him when he made the impulsive decision to jump off a bridge in Seoul.

Despite all this, Jin still loved his late husband but this time the rose-tinted glasses were off and he was able to see that he had put his husband on a high pedestal, always comparing him to Jungkook since the day he regained his memories. It was wrong and had only served to sabotage Jin on his path to recovery after losing Taehyung and their daughter.

In Talamone, Jin fell in love with the rustic Italian village and its people. After living in a small family-run hotel for several weeks, he decided to buy a two-bedroom cottage nearby and settle down. He engaged the services of a former teacher from England who lived a mile away to tutor Minjoon because he realised that though he was reasonably smart and intelligent, he lacked the necessary skills to educate Minjoon properly.

It was an idyllic existence and an eye-opening experience because as time passed, Jin began to understand that in both of his relationships, he had never been in charge of his life, never truly made decisions for himself, and never been the director of his own path.

First, he had depended on Jungkook to take the lead in their relationship, and he had even let his former boyfriend be the reason he stayed after graduation instead of pursuing the medical position that he wanted. Not only that, he had abandoned a promising career in virology to chase after Jungkook in Seoul. Had he followed his own heart, Jin was certain that he could have made something of himself. Maybe even worked with Médecins Sans Frontières, an organisation that he had always admired and considered joining when he was in med school.

Then when he was reborn as Lee Yoojin, he had once again given control of his life to someone else. Had given it without question to Taehyung, and had let his husband dictate where they lived, where they went, and what they did.

After coming to this realisation, Jin had sold his quaint cottage, and moved both himself and his son across the English Channel and then over the Irish Sea to settle on the southern coast of Ireland.

Kinsale was a historic port in County Cork, but it was also a fishing town which appealed to the angler in Jin. There were many such places in Europe but Jin had always wanted to visit Ireland and so he made it his first ever independent decision, free of any influence from anyone (Taehyung and Jungkook included). He even enrolled Minjoon in a primary school nearby, and his little boy flourished in the environment while gaining a lovely Irish accent in the process.

Immersing himself in Kinsale was a cathartic moment for Jin, and his period there proved life-changing. One day, while Minjoon was in school, he went for a long walk and when he stopped on a cliff to look at the ocean before him, all of his pent-up feelings bubbled violently to the surface and the most painful scream had erupted from him. His fury at being set aside by Jungkook, his rage at Jimin for destroying his and Jungkook's lives with no regard, and his sadness at losing Taehyung needlessly... it all came spilling out.

Several hours later, as he made his way back to pick his son up from school, he felt light and calm for the first time in a very long while. Though there were some residual anxiety and anger, the emotions no longer ruled over him nor held him hostage. For the first time since he first met Jungkook, he was just plain Kim Seokjin – the orphaned son of Korean-American immigrants – and he was content with the knowledge. He was Jin once again.