Once Again

63

"Who, Eomeoni? What is my boyfriend's name?"

"Jeon Jungkook."

End of flashback...

Jin had lost all feeling in his legs after the woman disclosed his boyfriend's name. It was one thing to suspect, but quite another to have it confirmed.

Kookie. It's Kookie, not Cookie. Oh my god, how long has he known? And did Tae know? Is that why he sent me here alone, and refused to come with me?

As Jin tumbled to the ground, the woman had grabbed him under his arms and kept him upright. She had then led him to a nearby bench, and forced him to sit with his head between his knees.

When Jin no longer felt nauseous and faint, he had looked up at the woman, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. Can he take any more revelations tonight?

"Eomeoni, how do you know that the man living in my apartment is Jungkook?"

"You showed me his pictures. I helped you move into your apartment because I was the one that helped you find your apartment."

"Did you ever speak to him? Did he ever bring another man to the apartment?"

"No, I've never spoken to him. I went on holiday not long after he moved in. And no, he has never brought anyone to the apartment. And why would he when you're his boyfriend?"

Jin had bitten his lip. He did not have the heart to tell this woman the truth.

"Are you alright, Seokjinnie?"

"I'm alright," Jin smiled ruefully. "I guess I'm just a little hungry."

"Omo! Why didn't you say so? Haven't you had dinner yet?"

When Jin admitted that he hadn't, the woman had scolded him and then taken him back to her apartment after they returned from the shops. Jin was grateful that she did not question him about why he wasn't going back to his own apartment.

The truth was Jin didn't want to face Jungkook. Not after hearing that Jungkook is – WAS – his boyfriend. He didn't want to look into the eyes of the man that betrayed him. The man who drove him to take his own life.

He remembered what Taehyung told him about the night he jumped off that bridge. He had jumped because his boyfriend had dumped him to marry another man. Jungkook had dumped him.

Jin doesn't know why Jungkook left him. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know because what if the reason was because Jungkook had gotten tired of him. He was older, and his chosen career was one that would have taken him away from Jungkook for long hours. Perhaps Jungkook realised he didn't want a part-time boyfriend.

Jin had stayed in the woman's apartment until quite late, and when he noticed that she was stifling her yawns, he had taken his leave but not before giving his promise that he will visit her again. He had then returned to Jungkook's apartment, and found Jungkook fast asleep on the sofa.

Jin had knelt on the floor, and watched as Jungkook slept. He had reached out to brush the man's hair away from his closed eyes. The action had triggered more memories. Memories of their time together when they were at university. It had brought tears to his eyes, a vicious pounding in his head, and a heaviness in his chest.

"Why, Jungkook? Why did you leave me? Did you stop loving me?" Jin whispered as he continued to brush Jungkook's hair back gently.

"Jinnie... Jinnie please..." Jungkook mumbled in his sleep.

Jin had pulled his hand back quickly as he held his breath, watching and praying that Jungkook would not awaken. And he hadn't.

Jin had then wandered back to the bedroom that he woke up in earlier to grab a pillow from the bed, and a throw blanket that was draped on the back of a chair. He had placed the pillow under Jungkook's head, and then covered the man with the blanket.

Jin then returned to the bedroom, and made the bed before taking a shower in the ensuite bathroom. He had changed into fresh clothing, and then wandered around the apartment.

It was in the study that Jin truly broke down. Seeing all of his personal effects lovingly arranged around the room had reminded him of how happy he was after moving to Seoul, to this apartment, to start a new life. How much he was looking forward to surprising Jungkook, and reuniting with him. But life had turned out differently.

When the clock indicated it was 6:00 AM, Jin had quietly made breakfast. It reminded him of long ago mornings when Jungkook had early lectures, and Jin would wake up to make breakfast for his love before going back to sleep.

Driven by the memories, Jin had made all of Jungkook's favourite breakfast dishes. When he finished laying them out on the dinner table and covered them, he had written a note for Jungkook before letting himself out of the apartment.

Jin knew he was being a coward, avoiding Jungkook when he should be confronting him, but he was not ready. The memories were still too fresh, and the pain still too raw. So he had hopped on a bus and gone into the city to try and take his mind off of his new discovery. And he prayed he would find courage along the way. Courage for when he will finally ask Jungkook...

"Why did you stop loving me?"