Goodboyhalo x Jef (Jefhalo?) Oneshots (DISCONTINUED)

I'm So Cold

here's some angsty stuff since i haven't written enough of that lmao

(I swear I'll get actual updates out sooner or later, just need another break or smth-)

I have no idea what I'm doing
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Walking down the street, I stalk the empty night alone. I haven't gotten used to such an empty feeling, I'll be honest. I never even knew how warm the world was until recently. Has it always been like that? I must've been too blind to notice.

I regret every single horrible thing I've ever did, I assure you the list goes on and on. I don't even know why people see so much good in me, do they even know who I am and what I've done?

I basically drove him into insanity, my poor unfortunate other, stuck with the burden of my words for the rest of his existence, won't even get the chance to feel love from another person besides me, and look at how horrible I treated him.

I shouldn't have done what I did, I can't express how badly I want to escape this place, forget about my other, but I just, can't, trust me with the fact that if I could go back and change everything, I would.

Where the fuck did I go wrong?

Where did I get so blind by my ego I never bothered to notice the consequences of what I've done?

I just want to rot away, I deserve to rot away.

I miss my other, my good, handsome other. Fuckin' hell..

I stop in my tracks, looking down at the sidewalk.

I didn't even notice it had started raining. When did it start raining?

I start to walk through the trees, full of leaves to the point it should protect me enough from the rain.

My destination shouldn't be that far from here, if I remember correctly.

The trees have seen me walk here so many times they probably think I'm insane, talking to each other, speaking, "There goes the boy we see every afternoon at 2:00, so mournful he wears nothing but a dying expression. What a fucking idiot."

I'm not being too harsh on myself, am I?

I deserve what I'm getting, I know I do, he was the best thing to ever happen to any human being despite his history of being so "cruel."

I adored him. His fluffy hair, the glint of his eyes, oh, his dark, beautiful eyes, so dark I can't tell what color they even are. Navy? Black? Green, even? Brown? Who knows, I ruined him, I can't remember a day he didn't spill.

I look up at the sky, the same darkness swallows my vision as it did when I stared into his eyes. The once bright eyes turned into nothing but tragedy as soon as I came into his life.

Hold on a minute, aren't I being covered by the trees from the rain? Why is it still raining? I've done and said what I did, too late to change the things I did. Was it what I was supposed to? No, of course not. Then why do I feel so dead? I'm not Jef, no, no, I'm nothing like him. Physically nor mentally.

I sigh, not one of relief, nor of any other emotion, it was as if I held in a breath I didn't even know I was holding. When did my head start hurting? My chest, my arms, my legs? Everything hurts. My heart aches  as a hole marks as evidence of what I destroyed.

What'd I even do?

What do you mean, what'd I even do?

I blew it, that's what I did. I poked the bear and now I'm injured. We flew too close to the sun and now we're both burned, but I just had to shove him into the Sun.

Icarus, my beloved Icarus, the boy I found oh those years ago, now stood below me, the stone carved his name and the day the world was introduced to an angel, and the day they lost him because of me.

Jef, I know you're gone, you've been gone since last year. You're most definitely sick and tired of me, I'm so sorry I come every day. I just can't apologize enough for what I've done. I love you, I never said it enough. I'm sorry you never made it out of your room. I'm sorry I lost so much control. I miss you.

Tears flooded my face as everything faded to gray, then to black, then to yellow.

The brightest yellow you've ever seen is before my eyes. Fading with orange and red, I smile wide, lost out of my mind.

Icarus, I'm flying home to you.

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oh damn what just came out of my hand-

sorry, apparently my brain likes making Goodboyhalo cry his brains out. Can you tell I literally couldn't decide who died while writing this? I hope not lmao

828 words, short since my arm is in pain