"stuck in my mind"

Dear me...

Dear me
I would love for u to change for once. You are like having a glass of water filled up to its tank just to find out Inside it's all your mistakes
Fought through all my walls day and night just so it can't take me back to my depress nights
Having a huge blop of anger and anxiety in my throat trying to figure out if I could cope .
Never saying words right because that's part of how I am traumatized, words come in and out of my head telling me you would be better off dead .
Looking at the end of the spotlight and thinking I'm done , having a guard pulling me down as I scream through my lungs.
I catch air again as I remember why my friends think am always mad, thinking how I hate them but in reality it's just how my brain rates them ..
I'm always alone in a dark place trying to figure out how much I aick, having a backpack carry lots of book and in each chapter telling how to much I need to be blocked in a memories of the ones I loved , truly thinking if I was in a different world would I still have the same thoughts as right now .
Reading books will always be my comforter zone not because what's in the book but what I am going to find out about it
I overthink so much it's like if I put desert sand on me I would breathe in even though it's heavy.
Neflix is also my comfort zone because it has many particular part of my sense of humor such as me being weird . Never do I think am greater or the best but having a stack of files on how much you feel could chance something and someone.
I hate the way how I feel sometimes I look at my body and think that am fake or made out of steal, am always tired and giving up in sertain things like my energy to helping people or just my life in general ..
I wake up and think am in the sky ready to go with a coat, knowing that my boat will be filled up with some particular coat of dreams .
My family will never know what my brain thinks or how it copes , I just hate how my brain punctuates one day thinking it's okay and then thinking how bad I could kill somone ..
woah I repeat that so much, to see and hear how I work makes me sick ugh... conclusion would be my middle name if the system was wired to be tracked in my brain....
As times ticks I think i would be better off dead with a glass of water Filled up with bricks...............