The Blue Dress

The Blue Dress - Part Seven

Cindy used her size and more importantly her height to firmly drag me out of the hall by my arm, the same hand on my skin feeling just as cold as when it first made contact. She didn't want to have this intervention in the hotel reception/lobby but the front door  which would also be the exit was now closed. It was their way of keeping people who were not invited to nor part of the prom from intruding. An especially important detail considering most of us were 17-18 years old. The only option for where we could go was the garden.

The stocky security guard of the hotel stood like a parked bus blocking our temporary escape. Cindy simply explained to the giant that we needed some fresh air and after a moment's consideration, he clocked my defeated state and let us through. He also requested some water for the girl in blue. That would've made me smile a lot more had I not still been in the dumps about those boys. Those damn boys. I couldn't escape my mood or the dark and confused thoughts around them. I felt downright abused in that hall with everything that went on from the moment I made my entrance as Alice.

'You'll be ok girl, just take slow, deep breaths. And try not to cry, it would be a damn shame to ruin your makeup.'

Cindy's words were like holding a flame up to a glacier. It was melting my sour and depressed state but gradually. Looking out on to the garden with the slightly darker sky, the few lights situated on the garden's wall and around the fountain had been switched on. The benches beside the centrepiece looked like the ideal spot for Cindy to give this pep talk or whatever it was going to be. The large bouncer-type figure came back to us and tried to hand me a plastic cup of water but my arms failed to even move to grab it. Cindy took the cup from the now visibly concerned gentleman.

'Is she OK? Do we need to call someone?'

I don't know what I would have done without Cindy on this night as she explained the situation very calmly and the security guard walked off, still with a worried look on his face.

'If you need anything, please let me know ladies.'

I meagerly tried to thank him but words were still beyond my capability. Stunned silence didn't cut it, this was more like a traumatic sensor on my psyche. I raised my right hand (my strong hand and the one Cindy was not holding) slightly as if to give a thumbs up but it didn't really get that far. The whole of my body is quaking and shaking while my limbs are struggling to really move at all. Pure determination not to be hurt and Cindy's firm support meant I stayed on my feet but everything else was without much action.

Cindy directed me gently over to the bench on the left-hand side of the fountain and let me take a seat. She then lifted the cup to my mouth and helped me to drink.

'Well f***, you don't look well at the moment. Little sips now, take it easy. This is like I'm nursing your hangover!'

I cracked a little smile at that, the water was helping me recover my senses.

'We're going to try and talk through your feelings at the moment, and go from there. No right or wrong answers here, it's about you.'

Instead of being near motionless, my whole body seemed to be shaking again. It wasn't that cold in the hotel courtyard, this was clearly a mental side-effect. Another few sips of water and I could feel a sentence building in my head. Coherent thought returning slowly to my brain.

'I am a girl.'

Cindy looked at me with the same prideful smile as if her own child just said her first words.

'That's how you feel?'

'I feel like a girl. I like being A-alice.'
There was still a slight quake in my voice and no real emotion or conviction behind it yet.

'Then you are Alice. You are a girl. If this is what you want, no-one else can tell you who you are.'

'But look at what just...I'll never be a girl.'
I could feel tears building after the just so I stopped to sip some more water and just cut my sentence short.

'You feel that way because of what those dumbasses in that hall were saying and what they did? You're going to let them scare you into denying yourself your dream life? Newsflash Alice, guys don't like me either. We're social outcasts for a reason, we don't have the boobs nor the asses to be those girls who can bend the guys to their will. But if you don't live your life, you're bending to the will of those horrible people.'

'Well you've at least got the right parts. I was born wrong and everyone reminded me of that tonight.'

'Modern medicine can work wonders on your body if that's what you mean. There are countless women in your position who have fought to be who they are today. And I'll back you all the way in your fight girlie.'

'How do I? Where do I even start?'

'You start by finishing prom night as your true self. You go back in there with a positive attitude and an unbreakable spirit and you shine like the diamond you are in there. Once you do that, chances are no one is going to doubt Alice any longer. Well, no one worth caring about anyway.'

I took another sip of the water, which is now nearly empty.
'You're right, probably. But how am I going to carry on this night of hell? My date humiliated me in front of everyone.'

'Your date's not a very popular guy, you'll be fine. There's two ways to win back that reputation. You can either spend prom with me the whole time and we'll ignore anyone else's presence. Or we can try to get involved in some mischief of our own. Maybe get you a kiss from someone who means it.'

I took the final sip of my water as she finished her point, the last line almost forcing me to spit the water out.

'Oh behave you!'

'Well you liked the asshole's kiss, you'd love a genuine one.'

And just like that we were laughing again. I felt like myself again. Or in fact, I felt like my real self for the very first time.

'Glad that's over, you were getting so sappy I thought you were going to kiss me!'

I actually made Cindy laugh with that. 'I love you Alice, but not that way! Besides, we need to save our kisses for the guys in the hall. And my lipstick wouldn't blend well on yours, we're better just hugging.'

'I'd like that.'

We stood up from the bench and Cindy wrapped her long arms around me as my head nestled under her chin. I thanked her for cheering me up.

'Anytime, girlie. Now, let's get back inside and grab some drinks. Then we'll take a look at who we can get with tonight.'

And just like that, we were holding hands and smiling as we made the slow amble back towards the hotel's rear entrance. I thanked the security guard properly and told him I was feeling much better. He was relieved.

'Enjoy your prom, girls.'

I was now determined to make the most of it.