The Military Boy - At War

Chapter 2 | Under Different Circumstances

~Flashback -London, England a few years prior~

Hyacinths, Buttercups and Sweetheart Roses in varying shades of pastel wrapped in plain brown paper and held together with twine -she'll love these, I thought. Flowers always reminded me of her. She often wore floral dresses to school with her long brown hair cascading down her back. Pastel-coloured cardigans buttoned all the way up seemed to be her new favourite piece of clothing. She used them to cover up the rather pleasant development her body had undergone since last summer. There was just this air of innocence to her.

It seemed like the perfect day to tell her how I felt. We'd been in the same school for 3 years now, and she was always in my class. We weren't friends. In fact, the most we ever said was 'hi,' 'bye,' and 'may I borrow a pencil.' I believed there was something there, though. Every time I looked at her, I found that she was already looking at me. Her expression was always full of subtle desire. I'd give her a shy smile, and it would startle her every time, as if she were daydreaming, then she'd give me a shy smile back. I never told anyone, but I often thought about her smile late into the night in those oddly lonely adolescent years. Maybe if I ask her out, tell her that I fancy her, she'll give me a chance... I thought. The flowers would help my cause.

It was a gloomier day than usual. The slight drizzle that never seemed to cease in early spring changed to vehement rain, lashing down on rooftops. I had made it to Hyde Park and knew she'd be at the bandstand near Serpentine Road. It was her favourite spot to hang out after school. I heard her telling her friends this on many occasions. I just hoped she'd still be there now despite the rain. What I hadn't expected was to want to run in the opposite direction from her upon actually finding her there.

She was there alright. So were our classmates Zain and Aaron. Aaron sat on the very top step of the bandstand. She was on her knees bent in front of him on the steps, head bobbing up and down. Zain was standing behind her at the base of the steps. He had her skirt lifted up past her hips as he pounded into her from behind. Her moans and pants could be heard over the clattering of the rain. She was deriving so much pleasure from this that both boys were groaning as well. Praising her. The flowers I so carefully protected from damage slipped from my grasp and fell to the ground into a muddy puddle. Forever spoiled.

This is why she loved coming to the bandstand. Zain, who sat behind me in class, had previously mentioned he liked walking through Hyde Park. I just never realized he liked walking through this side of Hyde Park. She was never smiling at me all those times. She was smiling at him and Aaron, who sat beside him. I was never even a fleeting thought to her.

How I made it to Hyde Park Corner underground station was beyond me, I don't even remember riding the train all the way home, south of the river to Clapham Junction. I was so distraught that I managed to change three train lines and get from where they were to where I lived and not recall how I did it. The image of the pure and innocent girl I had grown to like was irrevocably shattered. Elle Williams had unknowingly changed me.

I partied after that incident. Harder than I'd like to admit. I wasn't heartbroken since I eventually realized I was fascinated with the idea of a girl who only existed in my mind. It was more that I was lost. Days blurred together in endless parties full of alcohol and weed. One sip led to another, one toke led to another, and one girl always led to another. Girls' faces and names blurred in my memory as I woke up next to someone different each time in search of some meaning in life, in search for someone. Nothing ever felt right. No one ever felt right. I wasn't sure who or what I was looking for, but there was nothing I found worth my time. Everything seemed inauthentic in a way. Manufactured to look and feel desirable.

Life had to be more than this. It just had to.

Mum and dad thought so too. Fed up with my way of life, they gave me an ultimatum. I could join the military and work my way into the Royal Air Force the way my parents always wanted, or I would have to find somewhere else to live. The choice to become an RAF Pilot was an obvious one. What none of us knew then was that Operation Desert Storm was just about to begin.