The Knife's Case

The Hope Left

       

"No Father! Why! Why?" A surge of anger rushes through me, like a tsunami. "There must be some other reason I was born!" I scream. I yell, and then I realize my mistake. "The only reason? You want another reason than to save our kingdom?" He has not noticed my true mistake, yet. But he will soon. He will soon, he is too smart. He knows death too well. I am depressed to hear his words. I know he is evil, messed up, and has done so many wrong things, but when does a girl ever stop being a father's daughter. What evil thing did I do so wrong, to deserve this? Why is he doing this to me? I close my eyes. He pushes my shoulders against the wall of the living room. "I will kill you if you speak again." His calmness scares me even more. His grip is so strong; I struggle to find my breath. I struggle to find the courage that had the nerve to show up then, but not know. I do not speak. I dare not.

He bows his head, and whispers to himself, not wanting me to hear. I do. "You were my cover. You were my excuse. Oh well, I will do it myself." Then he looks up at me, his eyes, knowing they have seen a million dead bodies, and one more to come. I prepare myself, and I can tell he is contemplating killing me. He would be able to hide me. He would have no trouble. I am scared beyond belief. I do not breathe. He lets me go. I still stand, like a statue. "Go up to your room! I'll deal with you later." I walk up to my room, but I feel like I am standing still like a statue. My heart is now beating, and my breath returning. I am not hungry, only shaken by the fear. I knew something like this would happen, and most likely will happen again. If I will not do what I was meant to do, I will have to live with this. I will have to die with this. Or knowing I have saved someone. Is that enough?

 I walk through the crying town, dragging my broken soul along with me. Was this how forever was supposed to turn out? I thought forever would be kind. I know time is not as graceful as eternity, but I thought it would be completely different. I thought it would save me. I found love in eternity, and I guess all the love I knew, or was told about was supposed to be true. Love hurts. Love stabs you in the heart like a knife. I thought I was the one who was supposed to kill. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.

        Cries of pain and affliction come from the mouths of broken souls around me. The poor kneel at me feet begging me for mercy. For some kind of hope that may set them free. I want you to set to free, I say to them in my dreams. I free you in my dreams, and I give you wings so that you could fly, in my dreams. I think, in my dreams you have smiles on your faces and you run through a field of flowers. You are free, in my dreams. But in reality you are slaves of pain and fear. Is there anything I can do for you?

        I look up at the dying city. Nothing else seems to matter at this moment; I am frozen, among the cripples and beggars, poor, and wounded. I am one of them. I bend down and hold a little girls hand. Her eyes wide and her mother holding on to her for dear life. The little girl is dying. Her wide eyes slowly slip into a forever sleep. How could I ever think forever could save me? How could I ever think love could save me? 

        No more questions occupy my mind these days, there is no point; the only person that could ever answer them is out of my sight. It feels like a dream. A dream that was only seconds long, now. It almost doesn't feel real, like it never happened. Sometimes I question if it really did.

        I walk through the rest of the town, and wait for an endless day to end. I do not want to be there when father is. I do not even know if I can call him father, anymore. Alexander, Alexander Smith is his real name. I did not know it until seven years old, when I learned the job I would be assigned. His name is strong and majestic, trusting, reliable. Respectful. Honest. I remember days when we all played together, although he always had his rough side, he smiled and laughed and threw me in the air catching me with his arms stretched wide. He always caught me. Never letting me fall. I never fell. I am caught out of my daze by an old lady begging for change. She is ordinary, and nothing should have made me notice her, but then I see who is kneeling beside her on one knee. The prince.