Realization - Pansy & Draco

3. The Truth

A/N : Mention of sexual abuse

Pansy's POV

"See you tomorrow theo"

The floor can swallow me right this moment

"Night pans"

As i turned around to Head up to my dorm i saw that familiar platinum blonde hair illuminated by the fire

there he sat with firewhiskey staring intensely at the fire place

His features perfectly illuminated .

He was gorgeous.

I quickly snapped out of it , headed to my dorm not wanting to further admire Draco .

After everything he said i wouldn't even piss on him if he was on fire

opening the door slowly as to not wake up Daphne

But after scanning the room i noticed she was no where to be seen .

I walked in relieved i was in no mood to put a front

Its hard to always act perfect, like nothing happened. Like the war was not full of hurt and sadness.

I got out of my head and began heading to the bathroom , i undressed turned the shower on and stepped in.

"AHHHHHH"

Of course I forgot to Adjust the water . Ice cold water fell down my back

"FUCKKK!! , all because i cant keep that stupid kiss out my head"

" i fucking kissed Theo, Theo fucking Nott" 

Leaning down to fix the water i whispered to myself

"what an idiot"

the water came as a soothing cascade, as if I am within arms that flow and hug so gently.

After several minutes of enjoying the soothing shower

I Slowly stepped out , rapping myself in a towel and walked to the mirror

I was beautiful, no doubt

i just didn't feel like it, I saw myself as everything but beautiful or gorgeous or anything of the sort

I walked out the bathroom. Not wanting to think about my physical appearance

"Thoe likes me i must me beautiful right?"

My thoughts all over the place ,Not knowing what to do or feel with my actions i made that night

I started to rummaged through my wardrobe looking for anything comfortable enough to sleep in

You'll be surprise to know that i have nothing most witches would call comfortable

The most comfortable thing I could find

I picked up an old t-shirt with leggings , i slip them on and slumped down on my bed.

My mind kept racing and reliving  the kiss over and over again .

" why did i kiss him? Did i like it, Did he like it? , what are we now? " I kept asking myself.

Despite all the questions running through my head I had one thing clear, I know deep down in my heart I felt nothing right ?

I laid down , trying to close my eyes , when I finally managed to close then . i was slowly falling asleep

"BANGG!"