Life Without You

Chapter 29 - Heartbroken

The doctor's latest reports showed that Leon's liver was healing but progress was slow. He still felt lethargic from time to time, so were the withdrawal symptoms even though they have subsided. His vocal cords remained inflamed and strained and the doctor strongly advised that he avoid singing for the next few months else he risked irreversible damage or possibly, surgery. This unnaturally long break was devastating news. 

Nevertheless, Leon managed to make small progress - improving his anger management.

Learning to cool down before coming back to any given situation felt like an uphill achievement, although he still had a long way to perfect it. His family cheered him on and the emotional stress that his parents endured was starting to wane. The therapies inadvertently drew him to memory of his time with Ariel again and again. The marks on her arms that he caused when he was drunk, the outbursts and yelling and the anger he had often misplaced upon her was beginning to crumble under the weight of guilt and regret.

"It's a shame really. I was never that sort of person growing up, never. My family was loving, my parents never argued in front of us kids," Leon told his therapist during a counselling session.

"At which point of your life, did this downhill trajectory started?" asked his therapist who knew his real identity.

"My dad's accident when the paparazzi chased him. He was driving to attend my birthday party," Leon's face winced at the memory. "I felt awful that my fame caused it, so I avoided my parents sometimes and I don't celebrate my birthday anymore. But I know my family still sticks by me."

"What else?"

"What else?" Leon gathered his brows.

"Is there more?" said his therapist.

Leon tried to peel through layers of chaos in his life.

"Sheldon Avon. Definitely the cause of my problems. And those crazy paps who can't leave me alone and publish all those lies about me. And those crazy fans. And those ungrateful ex-employees, especially that chef and those bloody women..."

His therapist nodded, "What else?"

"What else?" Leon started to get offended by the repeating question. "Look, I've gone through more than the average person to get to the sad state of where I am, stuck here, out of shape, a broken voice and a failing career!"

"I'm here to help you, not to taunt you," the therapist put down his pen on his open notebook. "You've done well to open up more than the previous sessions and you've made some good progress which is fantastic. The things you mentioned are the ones we've talked about before and established that they were accumulative contributions to your anger and alcohol. However, we've not really properly established the root of where it all began?"

Leon was getting impatient and confused. Was this therapist even competent? He already stripped bare enough, revealing more about his life to this therapist than to any media and to any woman. However, the more he tried to dive deeper into memory lane, the more uncomfortable it was for him. Yes, that one, that painful period. How he hated being reminded of it even when his family and media brought it up from time to time. Even to speak about it breathed life back into it. The agitation and anxiety were rising, causing his feet to go jittery and his fingers fiddled nervously. He needed to shut down. 

Where was alcohol when he needed it? 

It was this body language and his reaction, his therapist noticed, which happened every time they tried to come to this uncomfortable place that Leon seemed the most vulnerable.

"It's okay. If you're not ready now, we can stop here," assured his therapist.

Thanks to rehab, Leon was forced to seek the healthy activities they provided in order to relieve this anxiety.