Thomas Brodie Sangster Imagines

Drowned

*TW DRUG ABUSE AND MENTIONS OF SUICIDE*

*I would 5000% listen to Daddy Issues, SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK, fallingforyou, Bubblegum, Everything I Wanted and sweater weather while reading this.*

I slid down the bathroom wall and wiped away my tears, the liqueur in the red dixie cup in my hand swishing about as I did so. I felt a huge lump rise in my throat again, like I was suffocating ,and the small bathroom became smaller, the muffled music and laughter behind me louder, the size of my airway smaller and the air thinner. 

I was incapable of breathing anymore. I felt like I was drowning. 

'I don't want to drown.' I thought to myself.

I pulled out a small clear baggie from the pocket of my jeans and held it before me. Some of the fine, white, deadly power was sticking to the sides. I wanted it. I craved it. 

And so with a debit card, I made it into a nice little line and with a rolled up 5 pound note, I inhaled it up my nose in one swift, little motion. I rubbed and scrunched my nose and slouched back again. I wasn't drowning anymore. I wasn't crying anymore. I felt like the un-scratchable itch has been scratched finally. Like I was burning in a desert and someone had handed me a nice, cold glass of water. I felt good.

My own best friend has killed herself and I felt good. I was at some random person's party, feeling 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥. Some friend I was. I got up and slumped down into the porcelain bathtub and rested my head. 

I fucking hated myself. 

The door busted and suddenly the music and laughter was loud for a second before the door shut again. I heard a groan, but paid no attention to it. It was probably just a drunk boy. I pulled the white shower curtain closed and turned around. 

"Y/N." 

I turned around to face the voice.

"Mhm."

"May I open the curtain?"

"Mhm."

A hand pulled the curtain back and Thomas stepped into the bathtub with me.

"Are you ok?" He asked as he studied my face. I held up the empty coke baggie. He fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a half full one. I smiled sadly.

"One of those nights." I mumbled.

"Yeah."

He pulled me close to him and I sunk into his shoulder.

"I felt like I was drowning." I whispered.

"I know."

"I didn't like it."

I slid down and lay down onto his lap, looking up at him.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"What for?"

He sighed and looked down at me.

"You don't deserve to have to go through any of this."

"Oh." I blinked.

"Let's drown together."

He leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose, leaving it feeling warm.

And finally, the laughter and music stopped. The air was nice and crisp. I could breathe. For a second, I got a break. I truly felt good. We were together. It felt right.

But nothing good lasts forever.