His Blogger V2

date: part1

TRIGGER WARNING! This chapter briefly discusses sexual harassment/ rape. Read at your own risk!!!!!!!

I ran my fingers down the length of my black dress, smoothing it to perfection. The tips of my fingers tingled with anticipation as a truckload of thoughts was suddenly dumped into my brain. Racing, unstoppable thoughts. Was I even ready for this; to date? Dressing up isn't exactly my thing... going out isn't exactly my thing.

Sure, I act confident, letting my emotions get the best of me at times. And yeah, I've had sex before... but only once.

And it was never good.

My ex, Alexander, was my first sex partner. Honestly, I don't know why I want to date... he made sex horrible. Traumatic, even. There were times when I had awoken to him thrusting painfully into me like a cat in heat. Other times, he forced his erection down my throat, suffocating my sleeping form.

The most disturbing part is, I've recently discovered my likeness to the rough side of sex. Maybe even starting to miss Alexander's harsh slaps. Admittedly, my intimate sessions have gotten kinkier. Whether it was wrapping my hands around my throat, or scratching the inside of my thighs until they bled, I found an alternative route that let me climax so much harder and faster. Eight months ago I was sobbing into a pillow after he raped me, now I was craving it.

What the fuck kind of logic is that, God? I believed in you once! Just do a girl a solid and make life uncomplicated for once!

I sighed, blinking curiously. What's wrong with me?

Anyways...

My happier thoughts are, if Ace could make me climax from a kiss, he could probably do wonderful things in bed. Magical things. Imagine; his skilled tongue licking down my heated flesh, gradually making its way towards my dripping center. Ace's strong grip squeezing my breasts as he planted wet kisses along the waistline of my pants.

The mere thought had my brain clouding with lust. Does he know his way around a woman? Is he a player? Is he big? I swallowed dryly, staring at my reflection in a mirror. It hung against the back of my closet door, which also reflected Skye's uninterested face.

"What's up with the face? Do I look bad?" I asked, locking eyes with her through the mirror. My dirty blonde hair beautifully draped in curls along my upper back. Black eyeshadow and mascara decorated my eyes, the deep v-neck of the dress pushed against my breasts, displaying my cleavage for the entire world to see. I frowned.

"No, you look hot. It's just... not you" Skye scrunched her nose. "I'm not used to it. But like; you're hot, I mean... I'd fuck you" She nodded, eyeing me slowly.

I sighed, grinning. "Well, that's the point, if I looked like me no one would want to fuck me. Besides," I spun around, winking playfully "If Ace doesn't work out... I'm all yours"

"Alright, babe. You're on" She laughed, adjusting the glasses on the bridge of her nose. "Just know I won't go easy on you"

I snorted, clutching onto the wall for support. My body shook with laughter, tears pooling at my eyes. It wasn't that funny, but the mixture of anxiety and stress had built so high, I just... snapped.

Skye raises a brow, knowingly shaking her head.
"Dude, you need to relax, you'll be great" She stopped to pull out her phone. Big brown eyes bugged out of her head as she glanced from me to the device. "You need to go, you're already late"

I squinted as she held out the phone. 10:34.

"Oh, shit!"

Without missing a beat, I threw my purse over my shoulder and rushed out the door.