IFHY (But I Love You) Tsukshima Kei x female reader

You Got What You Wanted

"(y/n)? Is that him? Tsuki, just let me in, please. It doesn't have to be this bad. Let's just talk this out. Let me in, Tsukishima" Suga's voice boomed through the speaker.

"As you wish," Kei says in a sly tone.

I watch him walk out of the room to open the front door. I hear the door being unlocked and then the sound of the door opening. Seconds later, I see Suga running into the bedroom, arms open before they embrace me to comfort me.

"Tell me what's going on? I feel a little hurt that my girlfriend is being comforted by a male that isn't me. Baby, what's wrong" Kei said, his whole demeanor changing into a soft one. I was so confused. How does he manage to act innocent so fast?

"(Y/n)? What is going on, (n/n)" Suga asked softly.

I wanted to say so much. I wanted to scream how Kei practically abused me. How he called me useless. Pathetic. Just a fuck toy. I wanted to say it all, but nothing came out. Would Suga even believe me? I mean, Kei's acting like a completely different person. Like he actually cares.

Without noticing, I began to shake and my breathing picked up for the third time that day. "I-I-". Nothing would come out. This was one of the worst panic attacks I've ever had. It felt like this was it. I couldn't take it. I felt myself about to pass out, once again, but before my eyes closed, I saw flashes of Yuji. Why is he popping up in my head now? He wants nothing to do with me. He can't stand me. Why? Oh, yeah, because of Kei. ...because of Kei. Kei fucked up one of the best friendships I had... he's fucked up everything. Why couldn't he just leave me alone?!

The panic I was having soon turned into a rage. A newfound rage that I had never had before. "Leave me alone, Kei", I spoke quietly.

"Huh, why? I'm not leaving you in this state, baby. Why wou-"

"Cut the shit, Kei Tsukishima! Stop acting as if you care! You fucking don't! All you need me for is to boost your superiority complex! Do you get a kick out of me losing my friends because of you? Of telling me I'm nothing? Do you get pleasure out of isolating me? Even when you're the only one I have, you're still not there! You're just here to hurt me! Do you- do you even love me? Be... just be honest with me". 

It all flowed out of my mouth like I had been holding it in. 

"You have no idea how much I've thought I've been worthless. How much I felt like I'm complete shit. That I've deserved what's been happening to me. The degrading voice in my head is growing louder and to be honest, it's starting to sound just like you. Is this what you wanted? For me to only be dependent on you? Cause let me tell you, it fucking worked. I can't leave you. I'm fucking nothing. Why the fuck would I leave you when all I have is you? A piece of shit who does nothing but hurt me? But fuck, you're still around, so why the fuck not, right? FUCK! Just let me fucking leave" I yell as my eyesight began to become blurry.

 I stood up from Suga's grasp and marched over to the doorway where Kei was standing, shocked. "I fucking hate you so fucking much, but I love you too much to let you go. Are you proud of yourself? Are you happy? You got what you wanted. You got a dumbass bitch who will always be by your side because you thought it would be great to push everyone away from me. Fuck you! I'm fucking leaving" I say as I walked out of the apartment. I look back once more as I whisper, "Fuck, I love you".

Kei's POV: 

I've never seen her so upset before. A part of me felt a tad bit guilty, but another part of me thought, damn, that was hot.

I turn over to see Suga glaring at me. "What?" I say.

"What? What?! What the fuck is your problem?" he yells. "What have you done to her? You've fucking broke her mentally! What is wrong with you?"

"Broke her? It's not my fault she's so weak-minded. She's so sensitive. Takes everything I say to fucking heart"

"Are you serious?! I- you've got to be shitting me" he spits before he turns around. "You managed to turn a girl who had nothing but self-confidence into a girl who can barely get through the day without having a panic attack. You've had too much power over her and you knew it and you fucking abused it. Stop acting like a fucking victim, like you're not the one who verbally abuses her. I don't think I've ever seen such a disappointment than the one that's standing in front of me right now".

Your POV:

My mind was scattered, so much that I knew I wasn't in the right state to get behind a wheel. I began to mindlessly walk while so many statements clouded my mind. Here you go again, being pathetic. There's no one else for you to turn to. Again, you're alone. You're such an idiot. Idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot.

That word played on repeat in my head, like it was a scratched record. I was drowning in self-hatred. In rage. In self-pity. I didn't know what to feel. I felt emotionally numb. It all just... blended together.

After mindlessly walking for about fifteen minutes, I soon noticed I was in familiar surroundings. Where have I seen these places from? It all seems too familiar...

I continued to look around until I saw something that caused a flood of anxiety to run through me. Him. His apartment.

There he was, Yuji Terushima, sitting in the front of his apartment complex, mindlessly hitting a half-smoked blunt. He hated smoking inside of his own apartment, he always said it made him feel too closed off.

I slowed down my movements, taking in a better look at him. Obviously, he was high, but he was higher than usual, and he only got ridiculously high when he was stressed or something was bothering him.

Should I go up to him? Would he even acknowledge me? Speak to me? Is he really done with me?

Eventually, my legs began to move on their own. Before I knew it, I was standing in front of him, his lowered eyelids struggling to look up at me.

"Terushima...?

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Not really proud of this chapter, but it's whatever. Thank you guys for reading. I really do appreciate all the comments and reads. And I know it doesn't seem like a lot, but I got 2 votes! So thank you guys so much! Have a great day :)