Gone Girl 2

Chapter 1

A year after

"You only cry for help if you believe there's help to cry for." - Wentworth Miller

It's been 763 days since I was raped. 541 days since I overdosed. 416 days since I last saw Derek.

Do you know when you have been repeatedly hurt and it stops hurting?

Imagine being shot, several times. Your body becomes numb to it, you stop feeling any pain. The adrenaline takes over.

That's how I felt this year, fuck, I'm not hurt, I'm not angry.

I'm utterly, uselessly empty, I feel nothing, complete void.

I'm constantly on autopilot mode, I do things because I have to, not because I care.

I don't want to die, I just wish I was never born.

Talking to other people is exhausting, I have to put on a mask, I have to pretend I care and understand them, I no longer do. I can't help it, I want to feel everything but my mind has shut down. I know it's a coping mechanism but I don't know how to change it, and if it's worth changing.

I swear on everything precious I lost, feeling something is better than not feeling anything at all.

~

"Is everything ready?" my mom asks and I nod as I pack everything. First-class on Monday.

Life is an endless routine, then we die.

"I'm going to miss you so much, it's going to be horrible without you here!" she says as she pulls me into a hug and I stand there mindlessly.

"I know but I'm going to come whenever I get the chance, and you know the campus isn't far." I force a little bit of enthusiasm in my voice. It's tiring to put on a mask every day.

Dominic and Shanice are in that college but I haven't talked to them in months. Shanice kept blaming me for...

I can't think about him.

I sent him letters for months, consistently, I went to all the visits until one day I stopped. It became clear De-, he doesn't want to see me.

I brush away my thoughts because I tried to not think about him too often, no need. It's over.

I just hope I'm in the same dorm as Nicole.

My major is business, I used to love it, now I chose it because it's what I'm best at when I don't pay much attention.

After I'm done with the baggage, I pick up the phone and call Nicole.

She picks it up fast. "Hey, Ronny. Let's get a coffee," she says and I agree.

We hang up after deciding where to meet.

No, not that coffee shop, another one. It's crazy to think they never found that man, I assume he just left town.

I spent several months not leaving my house alone, I was terrified of him finding me.