There comes a point in your life when you just have it all. It could be the end of your high school, a tremendous transcript in your hand, and you feel like flying because your parents are so proud and everyone is just so happy. It could be the birth of a baby, the one the doctor said was premature and not very easy to save and now it is in your arms, with perfect eyes and lips and toes and you feel like you are holding the most precious gift ever. Or it could be the premiere of your movie, just a month away, and you just cannot believe it is happening because you signed up for singing, not this.But the fact that this, and so many other little pleasures come along what he calls his job, is just unbelievable. Overwhelming, at (all) times.
Keeping aside the fans and the money and the meeting with celebrities he never thought he’d meet and well, the money, there is one something he is thankful for the most. That is his friends. Four people, very different from each other and yet somehow, one and the same. Louis, Harry, Niall and Liam. When he had met them, when they had been put together in a band three years ago, Zayn had looked at them as mediocre singers, struggling to just make it. Like himself. And before he knew, they were clasping Zayn’s hand in their own like they had known him forever and together, they jumped obstacles, faced challenges, released albums that were a hit worldwide, hosted tours and now, now they had a fucking movie in order and Zayn knows that this is so much more than he bargained for, but not in a bad way.
He does think he has it all. Which does not by any way mean that he thinks of himself as superior to others, or that he should start acting rude and arrogant in public, firstly because Louis is going to give him a big lecture if he does that and second, because he loves the fans even when they get a bit too much to handle sometimes and he would never in a million years be rude to them. (if they aren’t to him).
And then, then, there is Liam. He cannot really explain, define or describe Liam in words. All he can say is that Liam is the force that keeps him stable when he thinks the world is ending and Liam is the air that he breathes when he thinks he will suffocate. Liam is the hand clutching his when he is asked to do things for the band that no other boy is asked to do and Liam is the gentle but hard press on the small of his back when he is standing in front of a thousand flashing cameras with an ache in his head. Liam understands, Liam cares, Liam loves him. And he? He feels for Liam so strong, that sometimes he thinks it’s not love, it’s something more. And there should have been a word in the dictionary that could describe it. But there isn’t. Which is very wrong. And so this is what he whispers to Liam when they are sitting on the couch, not an inch of space between them (this is how it has always been, this is how it will always be).
“You know I was thinking, there should have been a word.”
Liam looks down at him, “What word?”
“You know, a word, just one, to tell you how I feel about you.”
Liam chuckles, (fact: that is Zayn’s most favorite sound in the world), “You don’t need a word for that , babe.” He drops a kiss on Zayn’s head, his hair smell like pineapple, “I know how much you love me. I don’t want it in words.”
“You don’t understand Leeyum,” Zayn almost whines.
“You are just being dramatic and foolish; I already know how much you love me, okay? You don’t have to tell me that.”
Zayn sits up straight, leaving Liam’s arms empty and regretting it immediately, but if he has to make Liam understand, he needs to look at him.
“Look, Li,” he says.
“Where?” Liam counters, humorlessly.
“I meant, listen Li,” Zayn rolls his eyes.
“Okay, go on,” Liam says, sighing. He is used to Zayn being incredibly childish sometimes, and it’s not like he doesn’t love it. Most of the times he even entertains the stubbornness but right now, right now he just wants to be physically close to Zayn and drop his head on his head and take a few peaceful breaths before the boys come back from their swimming. But no, Zayn is on his way to inventing a word, making a discovery, and he won’t just do it in his mind while pressed against Liam’s chest. He needs Liam’s full participation.
