Sometimes Zayn thought it was unreal. How much he could love someone, it was scary and it was unreal. But it felt like the only real thing he had felt in ages anyway. So if it was wrong, he didn’t give a shit. If it would cost him his future, he didn’t give a shit. (he knew liam didn’t either, that is what made him so brave and confident). There was always this thought in his mind, what if somebody found out? What if, what if, what if? It scared him when fans noticed the little gestures that Liam threw at him during interviews and shows. But he didn’t ask Liam to stop. He knew Liam wouldn’t even if he did. Liam had a more positive attitude to the entire situation than him; he simply didn’t know how Liam could pull off being so cool and chilled right after he had made out with Zayn backstage, he just didn’t get it.
The bromances the fandom had formed helped a lot, because that made the touching on stage, the staring in the interviews, the going out together easier. They knew it was all fun and games. Louis and Harry’s bromance was the most popular, Zayn was glad. That gave him and Liam some kind of leverage. They always didn’t have cameras focused on them, they weren’t asked uneasy bromance-related questions, Louis and Harry got the entire concentration while Liam absentmindedly ran his hand up and down Zayn’s thigh in a comforting manner that Zayn found highly distracting and nobody noticed. It was good, it was all good.
But then they started getting famous, the fans started to grow every day. Things started to change drastically, rumors started to spread like a virus, the interviews got more intense and Louis was ordered to get into a relationship by their management. They couldn’t have so many people believing in Larry. It was fishy. Something had to be done. So a girl named Eleanor Calder was introduced to the boys. She was a model, they were told. And now she was going to be Louis’ girlfriend until further notice.
Zayn just stared at Louis when the said Eleanor came in, he watched as Louis bit the inside of his cheeks and forced a smile, he watched as Louis glanced at Harry who was staring a bit too pointedly at the ground not bothering to look up, he watched as Eleanor smiled at Louis showing too much teeth, reluctance etched on her face as they hugged the most awkward of hugs in history. He hated everything, but maybe a part of him was glad how it wasn’t him or Liam in the same situation. That selfish part didn’t get to stay so glad for a long time. Because.
Three months later, Danielle Peazer entered. Along with her came an entire made-up, convincing back story; how she and Liam were friends since she danced with them on the X-factor, they started to like each other somewhere in between and now BAM! She was Liam’s girlfriend. Liam clutched Zayn’s hand when Danielle came into the room. Maybe, only, it was because of that tight promising grasp around Zayn’s hand that prevented him from punching the glass table in front of him. And it was Liam’s whisper into his ear that had made him crack a smile, despite his own efforts of not wanting to, “Don’t worry sunshine, she will be gone before you even know it.”
She didn’t go before Zayn even knew it. Nor did Eleanor. But the thing was, everybody got along with Eleanor. Because she knew what she was allowed to do and what she wasn’t. Even Harry warmed up to her. With her hipster clothes and bubbly attitude, she made a friend out of all the boys. Zayn used to go out for coffee with her to feel at ease. Such was her charm. Louis was very lucky to have such a person to play his girlfriend.
But Danielle. She was an entirely different story.
She was clever, to begin with. Cunning, actually. She behaved differently in front of everyone. Or maybe that is how Zayn perceived it is. He didn’t say it out loud obviously, since Liam couldn’t stand it. He, expectedly, liked her. As a friend obviously, but he liked her and maybe that is why Zayn didn’t. Nor that Zayn would have liked her if she wasn’t all over Liam all the time, he knows he wouldn’t have. Because she was a nosy bitch, no offense, who latched herself onto Liam the moment she came to visit. Like Liam was her property or something. She seemed to hate Zayn, since she never talked to him until it was absolutely necessary. Louis, obviously, was the only one who conversed with her apart from Liam. Niall didn’t care, Harry hated her. He didn’t say it loud either but Zayn knew Harry, because he had this connection with Harry that he didn’t have with anyone, not even Liam.
He and Harry were the same people; they were reckless jerks who had given away their hearts too easily and too quickly. Harry wouldn’t say he had, but Zayn knew. It only took an intense look into those green eyes to know what Harry really felt. It only took some soft, soothing words and a promising, sincere hug to get honest tears come out of Harry’s eyes. Same was the case with Zayn, he was just better at hiding it. Harry wasn’t so. Both boys thought with their hearts. While, Liam and Louis did what the management said, and Niall tried to deviate the paparazzi by roaming around causing rumors that ranged from dating some high school sweetheart to wanking in public, Zayn and Harry found solace in each other.
They started sharing a room, since Liam had to stay with Danielle during the little break they got from work, and Louis barely visited spending time with his family and Eleanor, Zayn and Harry thought it best to stay together. Both boys never said how much they needed each other, but they understood anyway. Harry didn’t ask, Zayn didn’t ask, they didn’t have to answer to each other. Sometimes, Zayn wondered if Harry knew about him and Liam. But he also knew that if Harry did know, he would bring it up. And he didn’t have to think about it if Harry wasn’t saying anything. So they stayed quiet, laughed, talked, slept, woke up, smoked, did nothing all day, watched lame sitcoms, talked some more (actually Harry talked, voice lazy and bored, and Zayn listened) and then slept.
Time flew by, each day bringing a new change. Every time Zayn thought that Liam had drifted away, Liam did one thing or the other proving him wrong. For example, sometimes Zayn woke up in Liam’s room instead of his and Harry’s shared one, because at night Liam had sneaked in and carried him all the way to his own. Or that other time when Zayn was angry at Liam for not wishing him a happy birthday because “you were so damn lost in her you didn’t even realize and you never forget li, you never do!” and Liam had just sat and listened before getting up and dragging him to the car. They had ended up in a night club Liam had booked for just the two of them three days before, and Zayn had hid his face in Liam’s grey hood in embarrassment, “okay you are the best sorry i am such a jerk.” They had spent the night there. Just the two of them. And when Louis had worriedly called, Liam hadn’t let him pick up so yeah.
So it was enough, but not enough. Zayn just couldn’t stand Danielle and her long fingers threaded with Liam’s softer ones. Liam tried to take them both to lunch together but even that was a disaster because she eyed Zayn with disgust and annoyance and Zayn fisted the table cloth in order to restrain from stabbing her with a pitchfork. He just resigned on sitting and smiling at her, for Liam, while he imagined a piano falling over her head, or dropping her off a plane into a dry well full of snakes, or tying her to a rocket and shooting it off to space, out of their lives.
