What Could Have Been

(Toadstools Pt. 3)

I stood outside of Cora's door and raised my fist, readying myself to knock. Then I brought my hand down, hitting the wooden door with my knuckles three times.
"Cora? Can I come in?"
For a long moment there was silence, then finally, a muffled voice came from the other side.
"Okay..."
I sighed quietly, relieved that she was well enough to respond, and then opened the door to peek my head into her tiny lavender-themed room. There my oldest daughter was, curled up on her bed wall clutching a stuffed animal, her face wet with tears.
My heart cracked instantly at the sight.
"Oh, baby, what's wrong?" I started walking to her, but she interrupted, "Can you shut the door first?", her voice trembling through sniffles.
"Oh, yes. Of course." I shuffled back and shut the door behind me before quickly taking a seat on her pastel blue bedspread. I touched her cheek and wiped away her tears with my thumb, "What's wrong, honey?" I could hear my voice's pitch raise with concern. "Are you hurt? Did something happen at school?"
She opened her mouth to speak but quickly shut it, new tears welling in her sea-green eyes. I scooted closer and opened my arms for a hug that she fell into, her tears wetting my dress as she sobbed. I held her tightly, slowly rocking her side-to-side.
"Oh, honey..." I pet the back of her head as I rocked her.
"Allie and I got into an argument again," She started, "And none of my other f-friends will talk to m-me now because I didn't apologise. A-And I don't have anyone to talk to anymore..." She managed to get out between hiccuped sobs.
"Cora, baby..." I pulled back as I started to speak, wiping more of her tears away, but she continued, "I don't see why I always have to be the one who's sorry. It's always my fault. I know I'm not perfect but I don't think I'm always wrong! I'm so tired of always being left out by them because I disagree!" Her sobs started growing in intensity with every word, "I just want to have someone to talk to and hang out with but no one else wants to even be around me because they all think I'm some... freak!"
I took a deep breath and pulled myself onto the bed, sitting beside Cora and wrapping my arm around her. She was taking as many deep breaths as she could muster to calm herself.
"Coraline Cordelia Arachne, you are not, and never will be, a freak. You hear me?" I looked directly into her eyes when saying those words because I had to make sure she heard them, the words I always wanted to hear.
"There are so many kind people out there who would love to be your friend and who wouldn't be so..." I fumbled for the right word, "Uppity."
She turned her head away, "I don't know... They aren't all bad. I just..." She sighed, "Maybe I should just apologize..."
"Are you sure that would help, though?" I raised my brow.
She was quiet now, her gaze at the foot of the bed, and I wasn't sure if it was because of what I had said. I stayed quiet for a moment, just holding onto her. "I'm sorry, baby. I wish I knew how to make it all better."
She wiped her face again and leaned into me, "It's okay, mama."
I squeezed her, my eyes wandering to her door across from us that was covered in posters. I wasn't really looking at them, only letting my eyes settle there while I gathered ideas to try and help.
"What about the boy next door?" I said suddenly, raising my brows hopefully. "Mark, was it? He seems like a good kid."
Cora shrugged, her frown becoming lopsided, "I don't know..."
"Well, don't give up until we've tried it, okay? Maybe you can get to know him and be friends?"
She let out a sigh and mumbled a short "Maybe."
At least it wasn't a 'no'.
I rubbed her back, sitting just a second longer. "Okay," I whispered to myself.
Coraline was still glum, which was understandable, but I needed to do more if I wanted to make her feel even slightly better.
"What do you want for dinner, hm? I can make you something."
She shrugged, "I dunno..." She thought for a moment, and then her eyes lit up. "Can we have grilled cheese tonight? With tomato soup?"
I smiled and chuckled.
"That I can do!" I hugged her, still grinning at her seemingly simple request. I stayed a bit longer to hug her again before I got to making the best grilled cheese I could for my baby.