Bad Love

Chapter 9

Evan felt a pang of uncertainty in his chest as he watched Jonathan stride listlessly across the room. At first he thought the plan was successful, and that was to use the girl as a replacement for Annie, but no, it clearly wasn't. He was expecting his best friend to show a reaction by getting mad and giving her sarcastic comments in a subtle manner, or maybe in a very obvious state, but the result? He ended up being disappointed. He should have known so he wouldn't have done it. He could have had an enjoyable day with Jonathan, not have him scoot away. He was so angry at himself for being childish. He knew the other one loves him more than friends, so how, in the world, could he break his heart like that? He didn't want to pretend that he didn't add a sprinkle of empathy about what happened at his own house. If he were in Jonathan's shoes, he would have felt the same way. But he wouldn't have acted like that. He wouldn't have also walked away to distract himself from the pain of seeing the one he loves together with someone else-- having a girl's arm wrapped around his own and exchanging smiles. He wouldn't have cared, for he was Evan, and not Jonathan.

After Jonathan left, he processed everything that happened and proceeded to think of ways to get Jonathan's attention again. Should he go out too? Should he approach him as if nothing happened? Should he go get him a glass of cold drink? What should he do? Knowing jealousy, well when he gets jealous, he would usually stop talking to the person that caused it and shut everything out. He secretly hoped Jonathan was different.

He did hope Jonathan was different.

--

"Got you."

The look on Jonathan's face revealed a lot of emotions that Evan has never seen before. There were anxiety, confusion, fear, desperation-- there was a ton and he couldn't possibly name all of them. It scared him, because what he did was very sudden, and he didn't mean to, god, he didn't mean to. His anger reached its limit and he wasn't able to stop himself from admitting what he knew. That night where it rained heavily fucked him up. It was so wrong, but he couldn't find any reason to hate it, to despite it. Truth be told he felt ok, very ok for that matter, because Jonathan was not going anywhere. He loved him, he loves him, so he was going to stay with him.

Evan gritted his teeth and gulped so hard, so hard he was certain Jonathan heard it because his head turned to him with his eyes widening, and that scared Evan even more. His best friend looked so lost, like a puppy that was so desperate to find its owner, and how badly did he want to console him, hug him, shush him, tell him everything would be alright and that nothing was going to change. But he couldn't. For he was a dumbass.

"D-Delirious," he whispered in a hoarse voice. "I'm sorry."

Tears were now falling from the other one's eyes, and Evan mentally cursed for like a million times. He never wished to see that happen. It hurt so bad. He didn't know it would be painful to see his best friend cry, and the sole fact that it was due to what he said and did, stabbed him in the chest so hard it was enough to cause him an even more serious damage.

Evan was the type to avoid pain. As much as possible, he would do everything to not meet it halfway. He would safely do things, he would plan things out before doing them, he was just like that. He should have been more careful, he should have known how fragile Delirious really was, so he could have not spit the truth out, right in front of him, right when he was in pain. Evan would admit. He was being stupid this time.

Jonathan sniffed and bit his upper lip, raising and using his backhand to wipe the tears away which was now streaming down freely from his eyes.

"N-No," Jonathan said, voice shaky. "Don't say anything. Don't..."

"Delirious--"

Jonathan looked at him and cried again. "You probably hate me now. You probably think I'm disgusting, retarded, for falling for someone like you. Y-You probably think--" and his sobs stopped him from talking. Evan wanted to respond, but Jonathan spoke again.