Matt miller x Reader 'Code to your heart'

Getting over you

You get back to HQ and see Shaundi. She looks stressed and when she sees you she rushes over "Are you okay? I'm so sorry I left you alone last night. Did your night go well? You didn't come home, I know I suggested it but I didn't think you really would" she laughs. Though a gleam in her eyes told me she was a little worried it didn't go so well.

"It was fine" you force a smile. You didn't want her to feel bad, because of your mistake, so you decided to withhold the creepy from the guy. "I had fun-" but looking into her now relieved eyes you couldn't help but break. Tears threatened to spill and you smile went wonky.

"Oh god, are you really alright (y/n)? Just, come sit down and you can tell me what happened" you follow her from the elevator to the middle of the pent house, I sit in the couch and she sits next to me glaring at any loitering Saints. They took the hint and left.

"It's nothing" you cringe at how cliche that sounded as tears started pour. You still didn't want to bring up the creep, and the run in with Matt flashes in your mind and you sob. "I was leaving the hotel...Matt came out of one of the rooms and-" you take a deep breath trying not to sob at the memory, "he saw me and was angry, because I spent the night with a guy! Like he could talk! He actually scolded me. Like he had the right to, after these years. He even kissed me!" You try to swallow, but that damn lump was back.

"Jesus Christ I'm going to kill him" Shaundi facepalms and goes to put her hand on your knee. But you were too lost in your memories of last night and this morning that you flinched at the contact. Bile rose up your throat, your hand rose to your mouth and the image of that man flashed across your eyelids. You swallowed. Shaundi lifts up her hand and looks at you. Her brows furrow and her eyes soften with an almost understanding look in them.

"You aren't telling me the whole story..." She stated looking apologetic. You sigh.

"No I'm not...the guy I was with last night...I don't remember anything and it scares me. I don't know what happened after you left. All I remember is waking up naked in a hotel room with him and I feel so gross. So dirty. Like no amount of scrubbing will get me clean. And it's not your fault it's mine. I just feel so disgusted." You tear up again and hug yourself. Shaundi stands still looking apologetic and a little grim, "I wish I didn't leave you, I'm sorry" she picks up a plastic shopping bag from the coffee table and hands it over. "I don't know the details, but I wouldn't trust him anyway. It's a morning after pill and a bottle of water. Take the pill and go clean up hun. I'll make you something nutritious and tell the boss to let you rest however long you need. And in a few days we'll go to the doctors if you want and get you checked up, how does that sound?" She smiles gently and pats your head.

You stand hug her. "You'll be okay hun"

"Thank you Shaundi" you reply and go about following her instructions.

*A few hours later*

You sat in your room. Cuddling your pillow up to your face blasting music from your speaker. You kept thinking about Matt. The Matt you used to know, before you left...he was nothing like the Matt in the club or the hotel. The fire in his eyes was unfamiliar. It was intense and so sure. The sound of his voice even, was a tone deeper. He looked  like Matt...he used to be Matt. But he was a stranger now. And you didn't know him anymore. How has he changed so much when you've stayed the same? You sob into your pillow, laying down on your back you stare at the ceiling, off in another world in your mind. Your ears tuned in on the music just as a familiar song comes on. Suddenly it was about Matt...

(Matt's POV this is happening simultaneously)

I find my home feeling defeated. How stupid have I been? (Y/n) isn't mine. Not anymore. She's different. I don't even recognise her. I walked into my apartment and memories of her echoed of the walls. Her laugh, her smile. She used to fill this room with her presence, but now it's left bare and hollow. Filled only with the sounds of my own sorrow. That's when I realised I was crying. How many hours have I spent missing her? I look at the couch and remember that day, so vividly like I was back there...