SILENT

I

"Get your ass in here Amber!!" I hear my dad yell.

It startles me, causing me to jump out of my bed and run down the hallway into our small kitchen. Dang it! I must've overslept breakfast time.

I can already smell the alcohol from his breath and I'm not even close to him.

"Here." He points to the ground in front of him.

I step in front of my alcohol smelling father and look up into his brown colored eyes waiting for him to speak.

"I don't ask to much from you. All I ask is to be fed and for the house to stay clean. And you can even do those simple things!" My dad yells the last part.

"You may speak." My dad says.

I'm not allowed to talk unless I'm told I can do so.

I'm sorry sir, is what I want to say so badly but I can't, the words just won't come out of my mouth.

"What do you have to say for yourself young lady? I know you can talk!" He yells in my face.

I open my mouth to try to talk but nothing happens.

I have a disease called selective mutism. My dad went to the doctor one day asking "why the hell won't she talk" and the doctor diagnosed me. Dad then proceeded to cuss him out saying "that's bullshit, she can talk she just doesn't want to." It all started when he hit me for the first time but of course, he would tell you different.

"That's it!" He says.

My dad raises his hand and slaps me on the cheek, making my head swing hard to the left. It stings badly but it's not as bad as it could've been.

"When I get back I expect this whole house to be clean and dinner on the table!"

My dad walks out of the house, slamming the door behind him to make his point clear of how mad he is.

I look around the kitchen and see dirty dishes and dirt on the floor. How the heck does he get this house so dirty in one night? I start by washing the dirty dishes when I hear my phone ring from bedroom. I hope that's not him. Who am I kidding, his phone bill probably isn't even paid.

My auntie Maurice, who is my mom's sister, got me my phone for my birthday last year and she pays my phone bill. She tried to win custody over me once when I was young but my dad won. She knows what my dad does to me, he thought I told her and he got really angry with me but she figured it out on her own.

My mother left me and my dad when I was born, I guess she couldn't handle a young child. My dad couldn't take care of me on his own, it was so stressful for him, so he started using heroine. You can find needles stashed everywhere in this house, I even stepped on one once and he cussed me out for it. He also drinks, just about every day.

My friends name is written across the screen of my phone. I would say she's my best friend but I'm not allowed to have those. I can have one friend at max and guy friends are totally out of the question.

I don't want to answer her but it would make me a bad friend and I don't want to lose the only one I have.

"Hello?" I answer the phone.

"Hey!" Zoey says cheerfully.

"What are you doing today?" She asks me.

"Um, nothing. I have a couple chores to get done but not much." I lie to her.

Zoey doesn't know my situation and I could never tell her, my dad would beat me.

"Well me and a couple of girls where gonna go to the mall if you want to come!" She tells me.

"I wish I could but I gotta get this done." I tell her.

I hate letting her down so much but I have no choice.

"I told you she wouldn't come." I hear someone say in the background.

"Fuck off." Zoey says in retaliation.

"Well that's okay. Maybe another day then." She says.

We say our goodbyes and then hang up the phone. I really gotta get to work on this filthy house. I'm not even sure how it gets this dirty; I clean it every day.

There's vodka bottles all over the floor along with cigarets.

I start picking up the trash from the floor and put it in the trash can. The trash is full so I decide to take that out while I'm at it.

I take the garbage out to the trash can by our mailbox. We live in a trailer park. Our trailer is the ugliest of them all; our grass isn't as green as other houses are, our army green shutters are popping off and the light gray paint of the house is faded and peeling in some places.

"Hey Amber!!" My neighbor Mrs. Benton says.

She's outside and watering her plants like she always is. I give her a small wave and make my way back into my house.

I know if my mom was here we would be doing a lot better. Maybe we would be living in a two story house with some land on it. Maybe we would have a couple dogs and cats.

I've tried to ask my dad about my mother before but he's always to drunk or high off of heroin.

I hate it here. As soon as I'm eighteen I'm moving out. A lot of kids say that but don't mean it, well I mean it. I hate this crap hole.

——

I hear my dad's heavy boots enter the house along with the door shutting.

I just took the ham out of the oven and placed it on the table. Ham and mashed potatoes are his favorite meal. I hurriedly make his plate and sit it down.

He sits down and the table and starts eating the plate I made for him. I'm not allowed to eat with my dad, I have to wait until he is done and out of the kitchen before I can eat.

My dad gets finished eating and stands up from his chair, not bothering to push it in.

"Clean that up." He says.

"Yes sir." I find my voice this time.

My dad allows me to talk when I'm spoken to when it's things like him ordering me to do something, other than that I have to wait for his permission.

He walks into his bedroom, his heavy boots dragging along with him.

I take his plate and wash it like he told me too. I then get my own plate to eat with and start eating. My dad tells me I shouldn't eat during the day so I won't get fat, I'm only allowed to eat dinner. My dad gets to eat all meals though and I have to prepare them all for him.

I devour the food, calming my growling stomach. People make fun of me because how skinny I am but I cannot help it at all.

My school life isn't the easiest. I get made fun of constantly because I'm 'mute.' My teachers understand my situation but the kids don't. They always try to talk to me and when I don't answer they get mad and start making fun of me. High school can be really rough at times.

I'm so thankful to have Zoey as a friend. She understands me and when people make fun of me she stands up for me. I couldn't thank her enough for what she does for me.

I wish I could invite her over here but my dad would never allow that.

I clean up my dish that I used then decide to go to bed. If I'm not in bed at a certain time my dad will get mad and throw me in the quiet room. I've spent a lot of time in there.

I grab a book off the shelf and start reading it to help me fall asleep.
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hey! what did you guys think of the first chapter? I'm so excited about this book!

until next time:)

-𝐥𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐲𝐧✌︎︎