𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐋𝐘 | 𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐄 𝐄𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐇

eight

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billie bitch 🖤 >

HOLLLLLY HELL !!!!

CONGRATULATIONS BBY 🥳🥺

WTF .. there's no way MY best
friend is a fucking 7x grammy
award winner 😯🏆

billie bitch 🖤
haha thank you so much ri,
you have no idea just how much
that means to me. especially coming
from one of my favorite people ever!
(second after finneas, duh !!!) 🖤😘

billie bitch 🖤
i can't even fucking believe it !!!!!

AWWIE BILLIE JEAN STAPPP!
you guys deserve it !! i can't wait
to see you soon 🥺

and now you have to take back what
you said last year, THIS grammy
and the future ones to come will now
top it off as the best night of your
life ❤️😉

billie bitch 🖤
i knowww ughh i miss your
crazy ass like FUCKKK! & aww
i love you so much, finneas and i
appreciate all the support you've
given us both since day one!

billie bitch 🖤
and ahhh yess, i take it back! 🤭

ૢ✧∘*

[Trigger Warning]: will be speaking on mental health issues and self-harm

Rion's Point of View

What started out as a normal and somewhat
beautiful week, quickly took a turn for the
worst (well for me at least).

Just days after the Grammy Award Show
Billie had finally made her plubic appearance
with her sami-"new" golden locks.

She bout' broke the fucking internet !

We were supposed to hang out today but
I canceled on her, due to a depressive
episode that's been trying to come along
for a few days now. Billie doesn't know
why I canceled our plans, but she knows
me well enough to know that something
had to happen because I never cancel
on her.

I sat on the cold white tiled bathroom floor
of my single bedroom apartment, in a pool
of my own salty tears that were streaming out
like a waterfall. I held my wounded and bloody
legs tucked against my chest as I continued
crying.

Why was I crying?
I hate myself for being and feeling this way.

Why did I self-haem?
I'd much rather feel this physical pain,
instead of emotional pain.

Do I regret it?
Instantly, but I can't change what's
already done.

As I continued crying my heart out I heard
a knock at my front door, scaring me out of
my disassociative depressive state. I quickly
used a wash rag to rub my scars clean, as I
began viciously rubbing cocoa butter on my
legs.

The knock got louder and more repetitive,
so I yelled out "I'm coming!" to make whoever
it was shut the hell up. I slid my new
and limited black blohsh sweatpants on that
Billie gave me, before wiping my face and
running to the front door.

I swung open the door to see blondie
Billie herself, smiling big holding a bouquet
of chocolate covered edible arrangements
and a panda bear stuffed animal.

I hadn't realized I was sobbing until Billie
set down the gifts on my kitchen counter,
closed my front door and held me tight
with so much urgency.

She held me tightly in her arms until I
wanted to talk about it. She kicked off her
shoes before taking my hand in hers, and
guided me to my bedroom. Where she sat up
against my headboard and scooted me on
her lap.

I couldn't hide anything from her, so I
took a deep heavy breath in before slipping my sweatpants down and showing Billie my cuts.

She kissed my forehead before holding
me even closer, as she whispered how
special and important and needed I am.
What really stuck with me was her saying:

"This may sound selfish, and that's because
it most definitely is. But I love you Ri, so
fucking much. I need you here, your
friends and family need you,
But I need you so much. I need you here
with me babygirl. I wish I could make this pain
of yours go away. I wish I could take this
pain on for you. You're so damn strong,
and so damn beautiful. You're the MOST
incredible human being in my life!"

I don't know why it all sounded so different,
different in a more than a friend kind of way.

I sincerely apologize if this topic triggered anyone. I just needed a place to let my thoughts out. I recently relapsed after six months of being clean, and not self-harming.
I'm really disappointed and full of remorse. Once again, I'm really sorry about the touchy subject.