Yellow Pansy

🌱Seedlings 1🌱

Entry 1:
Daria Torres
June 24, 20XX

I must've looked stupid going from desk to desk trying to see if the school garden was visible from the windows.

Being back to school isn't the greatest thing for others, per say. To some it is a blessing. A place to get out and meet with their friend/s or an excuse to escape home and skip class with a valid reason. Or some, for whatever reason, just really like studying.

The same faces popped into my vision as I looked around the room, some from the same class I was in last year. Others were from the other sections from last year

I probably have spoken to them at least once or twice...some were transferred. I've been going in this school for at least 4 years now, they spend 5 minutes or so and they've already buddied themselves up with the groups inside the classroom

Meanwhile, I'm still struggling to even say a simple 'Hi' to my seatmate for the last 4 years. These guys sure are fast.

If they're willing to take in a student for socializing classes, sign me up. I need it badly.

To top it off, it's probably a normal phenomenon, but in those 4 years, half of it was spent over a silent admiration. I wanted to be friends with him.

Have I ever spoken to him? No. Have I at least interacted with him even once by accident? No. Do I know his name? ....No.

I blamed it on my terrible luck. I figured it wasn't that much of an issue. I figured I'd let it run its course in my system and then it'll settle down on its own.

The same boring routine happens. This year's homeroom teacher comes in, the groups scattered, going back to their seats.

I propped my elbow up as I rested my chin on my palm. I have my heads up the clouds because I'm pretty sure I just missed our Homeroom teacher's name...it'll probably come again some other time soon, right...?

My attention lapsed a bit and I could see my fellow classmates from the front standing up one by one, introducing themselves.

Spoiler alert, I am not good with introductions, I can't even talk to myself in front of a mirror, do you know how awkward that is?

Not to mention, I really don't do anything interesting. If I were to go up and be blunt, I would just say, 'Hi, My name is Daria Torres. I like surfing through the internet in my past-time because I'd rather do that than study. I really hate studying you see.'

...

I'm gonna tremble myself to a seizure. I can feel it. My stomach is churning too and my fingertips and toes are cold.

Was I spacing out the whole time again? Great, Daria. Now you don't even know your classmates' names. Would it even matter though? They won't even remember mine?

"Earth to Ms. Torres?" My teacher- you know what. We're calling her Ms. Green, yeah.

I blinked a few times, looking dumbfounded, "Oh...uhm." I said awkwardly as I stood up, she smiled at me encouragingly, "it's your turn, sweetie."
"....Turn?"
"Yes, turn. It looks like we already have our class astronaut." My classmates managed a giggle or a snicker.

My cheeks flushed up a bit out of embarrassment, "Right..." I chuckled nervously. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me, or just turn into a puddle and disappear out of embarrassment.

I cleared my throat, "Uh...I'm Daria Torres." I said, trying my best to not stutter it out pathetically. "I uh....enjoy listening and creating music." I mumbled out

"Do you sing?" Ms. Green asked, leaning a bit from her seat, seemingly interested. I began to grow nervous, this cycle is familiar, they ask and then they make me do a 'sample', I can already feel my stomach churning once again, "Yes...? Kind of...?"

"What kind of answer is that?" She chuckled out
"An unsure one?" I answered just as unsure.
"Okay, you can sit down now." She shook her head with a soft chuckle.

My legs were about ready to give up anyway, I was more than happy to take up her order by sitting down and staying quiet in my little corner.

I can feel my heart pounding, my hands trembling, I took in deep breaths to try and calm myself down.

I looked over the seat next to me, I was looking out the window the whole time I was here that I didn't even notice it was still empty

Luckily for whoever was sitting there, the homeroom teacher was just catching up with us on what we did during the summer.

I listened in boredly, from expensive vacations to learning a new skill...here I was with nothing to say because I just really lazed around, helping out with the store back at home.

Their voices tuned out and became a soft and distant buzz as I returned my gaze out the window.

I watched as the yellow pansies in the school garden softly swayed along the soft breeze.

My mind darted back to him remembering how I used to see him hang around the garden, diligently taking care of the plants there.

They remind me of him, he's always cheery whenever I'll spot him back then, he has this friendly atmosphere and welcoming energy that I'm envious of but admire at the same time.

A managed a sigh. I'll probably not have a chance of striking up a conversation though, I'm a nervous wreck half of the time, so I'll probably come across differently than what my intentions are.

Still, he seemed so easy-going and understanding...I wonder if I did approach him back then, even with just a hi, could we have been friends?

My train of thoughts came to a stop when there was a soft knock on the door, my eyes averted to the front to see the newcomer.

A boy came in sheepishly, smiling apologetically as he rubbed his nape. He had blonde hair, as if the sun kissed it. His eyes were grey, the sun reflecting in them made it look so much lighter, his stature is tall and lean.

'Pretty...' was the first thought that came to mind. My eyes slowly widening as he walked in, I can feel my breath hitching as I sat up straight, the homeroom teacher greeted him and he answered back with a charming smile.

My lips formed into an awe as he turned to us, the homeroom teacher, clearing her throat, "This is Lance Astor y San Jose. He will be joining us this year." She smiled softly, "Now I would like to inform everyone that Lance can hear just fine. But unfortunately, he cannot speak so it might take a while for him to respond."

He smiled cheerfully, waving his hand a bit, his grey eyes roamed the classroom.

In the 4 corners of this boring room, after 2 years of silently admiring him from afar, his eyes finally landed on me.

I felt my heart skip a beat.

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Greetings~ I'll probably work on this first. My mind is a hot mess.

-Your Dearest Author Homi 🦋