HIM....

chapter 4

( TW: Self-harm and drinking, this might be a delicate subject for some. If it is please do not continue reading. I will also be adding different songs so when you see '^' play the song above it. That might sound confusing but just play the song I have above until you see '^' then play the next song you will see)

I got to his house and looked out to the sun was just starting to rise. I got out and raced behind his house and climb the tree that led to his room window. I looked around his room he was not in sight. Until I saw the light on in the bathroom. I went to the bathroom and saw blood in the sink and scissors on the ground. I started to break down all the thoughts of him cutting himself because of me or possibly his dad doing this to him. All I wanted to do was hug him, comfort him. He was in so much pain and Im partly to blame for it. I climbed out of the window and went to the barn where he boxes.

As I walked in and saw him I dropped to my knees and screamed letting out everything. I cried his name as loud as I could not believing what was happening. Thinking that it would help him come back. I am sobbing looking at the string around his neck that held him up and the fallen stool below him. His pale face his eyes shut. This was my fault, he left because of me, I just lost the most important person in my life. I was too late, it was my fault I pushed him after everything. It was the last straw I got up and ran to try and bring him down but he was too heavy. I also noticed the cuts on his arms all over his body. He did it to himself just imagining him in pain made my eyes water more. He was suffering he was hurting himself. As I was getting on the stool I saw a note that said muffin on it with his handwriting. I quickly opened the letter and read it:

"There the Muffin man." I laugh at his joke because whenever he would call me muffin I would randomly think or say "Muffin man". "I am sorry for doing this to you. I love you and I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable. I just did what I was feeling like doing and I wanted to kiss you so bad could not wait until graduation to ask you out. I had this entire plan and everything."

But I did love you for a while. I said to myself as I cried more " When I got home I could not be in this  house anymore the emptiness the suffering but you probably already figured it out because you are a smart muffin. My dad abused me and my mom all the time I did not get bruises from boxing; it was from my dad. When I got home he hit me with a glass bottle and started shouting at me because I woke him up and started screaming at me blaming me for my mum's death, how I should have died.

Then everything just went downhill. I thought about my mom and how she protected me. She helped me as you did. And then I thought about you muffin. I love you. I realized you probably did not need me and you probably don't want to see me after I tried to kiss you and you rejected me" I sob even more if only I had just run after him "You are the most loving and most amazing sweetest person I know what I said on the roof was true muffin you really help me even if you don't realize it but you help me whenever I'm low you are the moonlight that shines through my window. And all I wanted to say was sorry I left you but I love you muffin ok understand that I will never leave your side I just needed some relief I just needed to leave.

Play this song know'^'

I wanted to go be with her I wanted to see her. I knew that would mean leaving you but you don't need me and look one day we will meet again. And please don't think it's your fault it's just everything, you know I don't like sharing my feelings. But I could not tell you what was going on at home. You were my home you and my mum I just thought if I told you that everything would change. I don't like change."

That just made everything more real for me. I could not read it anymore. I ran back to my car and raced to my house. When I got home I could see my mom on the porch screaming my name because I was gone in the middle of the night but then she saw my face and worried flashed over my face. I just ignored her and ran to the forest, "PETER! PETER!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as my voice cracked. Peter was my best friend, the goofy cookie-loving comic-loving boy that I fell in love with. His name was ordinary, nothing to it, not a big fancy name from greek or something but his name meant so much to me. He's the boy who has been there by my side since he hit me with the volleyball. "PETER I'M HERE I'M IN THE WOODS! PLEASE! I'M HERE LET'S GO ON AN ADVENTURE! PLEASE I DO LOVE YOU OK OK! I'M BAKING!" I dropped down to my knees and yelled over and over "PLEASE I NEED YOU" I'm soo loud that my voice cracked then the sunshine perfectly on me even though it's not that bright it shined on me and I sobbed even more. He is gone my Peter the Peter I loved.

( And that's a rap pretty boring story but meh and the song " Mr. loverman" was my whole
operation for writing this. Hope you enjoyed this terrible story :) bye, thanks for looking at it. Also hope you picked up the little hint in the last paragraph.