Blue Rose Tears

Chapter 11

P.O.V Narrator

The religious boy's eyes slowly open after the act, his perception of time was still altered, but there were still a few seconds to realize what had happened.His heart was pounding faster than it had ever beaten in his life, a wave of strong emotions hit him, leaving him in shock. He couldn't believe what he had done, or rather, he didn't want to believe what he had just done.For a short while, his mind had been cleared of any negative thoughts or worries, leaving only the sensations to flourish. But what would happen next was inevitable: he would return to the harsh reality, where he was drowning in guilt and regret.

Thoughts about the worst things that could happen to him invaded his mind, leaving him with difficulty breathing and a startled look in his eyes. It had not been his intention, he had managed to keep what he felt to himself for all these years, he didn't even allow himself to think, and much less talk about it, and yet here he was, putting everything at risk due to one slip.Carl could have walked away, he knew that. But even so, it was as if something attracted him, something he didn't realize he wanted.

The red-haired boy watched the way his friend reacted, it was nothing like what happened the day before. He looked scared, probably blaming himself again, and wasn't reacting clearly.Pascal felt guilty. He knew the problems that Carl had regarding his own feelings, and yet, he'd let his emotions guide his actions. He'd been negligent, but he wasn't worried about himself, the focus of his attention was his friend, who remained static.The scientist's hands, which had previously rested on the younger boy's shoulders, had been displaced by him. He was staring at a fixed, distant place, as his thoughts disturbed him.Amid his doubts, questions and self-deprecating thoughts mixed, making the boy blame himself for surrendering to "temptation".

He felt like his throat was closed, partially blocking the passage of air. Words wanted to leave his mouth, but the silence continued. Pascal worried about the condition of the younger boy.

"Is everything okay?" - The older boy questioned, trying to look into the eyes of the dark haired boy, which seemed to be full of water.

He couldn't even think of an answer, he was not at all well, he felt a deep remorse eating at him, it was a sensation similar to what he felt during the walk in the forest, the day before.He couldn't bear remaining there, even if he wanted to enjoy his best friend's company. The fear of the possible consequences was greater, and it was this fear that made him retreat.

Pascal could feel Carl's agony. He knew he'd made a mistake. He should have thought about his friend's worries, his inner demons. He woudn't usualy feel guilty over obeying his own urges, even if they bothered someone else. But this time, it was different.It was inevitable to feel bad when he saw Carl's suffering, he cared for his well-being more than anyone, perhaps even himself. He usually managed to solve problems in a rational way, but that was now out of his reach.

"I'm sorry..." - The dark haired boy said, almost whispering, while keeping his gaze at the floor.

The scientist was not entirely sure that his friend was addressing him, since there was no reason to apologize, but on thinking a little more, the redhead found out who he was possibly talking to.