― 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒄𝒓𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅.
❝ you never knew the stars had
a flavor until you first kissed him.
it turns out they taste like ambition
and ancient fire, desperation, and
dark matter, and the mind-numbing
fear of bei...
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STARCROSSED (book one). °• CHAPTER NINE •°
" YOU CAN EITHER WALLOW IN GUILT OR STRAP YOUR ARMOR ON AND SMOKE THIS SON OF A BITCH THAT TOOK YOUR BEST FRIEND FROM YOU. "
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THE FEAR OF MONSTERS USED TO KEEP ELIJAH UP AT NIGHT. His father bought him a nightlight shaped like the planet Saturn on the third night his son had woken him up with cries of terror, afraid of the monster under his bed. He swears he used to see what he called a monster with blue, lumpy skin, black eyes, crooked spine and jaw, and long, sharp claws crawl from out of his closet to underneath his bed. It would do nothing, only sit and watch, close, but never attacking. The silent threat caused a deep, unsettling fear like when one is close to tripping on the stairs. But it was constant and lasted throughout the night with no pauses. Elijah knows now it was merely his childlike imagination. There was never anything really there.
One night, Elijah locked his gaze against the nightlight. The orange glow illuminated his squinting eyes as he told himself, You're fine, you're fine, you're fine. His small fists had curled around the seams of his blankets until his stare turned dark. I'm not afraid of you. The nightlight protected him. It kept the monsters away and gave him the spark of bravery he needed to make it through without a single cry of fright.
However, Elijah Wolfhart isn't a child anymore. He never will be again. He's still afraid, but he's determined to put his armor on and show the real monster how strong he really was.
Elijah wonders if Nancy had a similar experience as a little girl. Nevaeh certainly had. But Nevaeh would have Elijah carry her to bed, tell her stories of the stars, tuck her in extra tightly, and only left when she felt safe. He knew Nancy had a better life than them. She had everything he envied, luxury, a seemingly perfect family, everything was perfect. Elijah's hatred was just jealousy in disguise, a green emotion for something that wasn't even there. Nancy wasn't perfect and she knew that. But she didn't know how badass she was either.
He doesn't know if it's grief over the newfound loss of her friend or this insecurity that her life was slowly falling in ruins that has Nancy's knees pulled against her chest with her back pressed on the gymnasium brick wall. A tiger was painted over, its beady eyes above the top of Nancy's head. She barely flinches when Elijah sinks next to her.
"I'm sorry about your friend," he says to her quietly. "She didn't deserve to get caught up in this."
Nancy nods. Her tears had long faded, but Elijah can see the weight pushing on her shoulders. The weight had a name. Guilt. She blamed herself for Barbara's death even though it wasn't her fault. "I should've been there for her," Nancy whispers. "She only stayed because of me... And I was too busy with Steve."
