How deep is the lake. ( Draco Malfoy story 18+ )

The Breakdown.

A/N: 20K reads. What the fuck. I'm so happy that I started 'How deep is the lake.' I love you all so fucking much. And I give you, The Breakdown. I also had a rough time writing this bc the first time I accidentally deleted the whole thing and had to write the better half of it from scratch bc my memory is absolutely horrible and I had a ~breakdown~

Trigger Warning.

Talks of drug use, alcoholism, addiction,death, suicidal thoughts/suicide and scars

Draco left me on the floor as he filled up the bath. He walked in and out from the bedroom to the bathroom, gathering clothes and towels. I sat on the floor in front of the toilet. Rocking slowly back and forth, thinking over what I had just dreamt. I was biting the inside of my cheek, scratching at my skin until it was raw. I was looking for comfort in pain.

Draco's blanket covered my shoulders, trying to keep me warm. I sat on the cold tile. I wanted the cold. I yearned for it. Waited for it to find me. But there was always something in the way of being cold. As I stared at the wall, Draco made his way over to me.

'Are you ready?' He asked gently as he handed me another glass of water. I took the glass with a shaky hand and nodded before I poured the cool liquid into my mouth. He waited for me to finish drinking before he took the blanket from my shoulders. I prepared myself before I pushed myself off the floor. Draco's arms helped me up, supported my body. He gripped the bottom of his jersey that laid on my torso and pulled his over my head.

He looked at me for approval before he took his boxers off of me too. I watched as he took them off, his fingers brushed against the scars on my thighs causing goosebumps to appear. He led me to the bath and held my hand as I stepped into the bath. I sighed as hot water surrounded my body as I sat down. I pulled my knees to my chest as I closed my eyes. I heard Draco take off his boxers and sit in the bath behind me. He wrapped his arms around my upper half and pulled me closer to him so my back was to his chest.

'Do you dream of death Venus?' He said quietly. As he started to trace and mesmerise the scars on my back.

'Death is in my dreams. Life. Life is the thing of my nightmares.' I whispered back. I wasn't lying. I had nightmares of my life. Of my past. But not of my death. Because I'm scared to live. Scared of the unknown. And most human things are unknown to me. A few years ago I came to realise ... I didn't want to die. I just wanted my life as I knew it to end.

We were both silent after that. The only sound that filled the room was the slight slosh of the water. I felt tears fall down my cheeks, silently crying. I let them fall one after the other. They eventually started dripping into the bath water. Draco stopped tracing my scars after he noticed I was crying. He just pulled me closer to his body, which made me cry more. My shoulders quaked as the sound of my sobs became noticeable.

'It's alright. I'm right here.' He purred. All I could respond with was why. Why is he here with me?

'Why. Why are you here?' I asked.

'Because I care.'

'Oh don't lie. No one cares.' I started to stand up. I didn't want to sit in misery with Draco. I wanted to sit in ecstasy alone. And that's what I was going to do.

I stood up out of the bath wrapping a towel around me and carefully walking to the bedroom to get clothes to change into. As I stood at the wardrobe and threw on a pair of his boxers and one of his hoodies I heard Draco get out of the bath.

'Where are you going?' He asked. I looked to see him leaning against the door frame. I moved over to the bed to put on my docs.

'To get drunk. Or high. Probably both.' I sneered. The panic attack had put me in a bad mood. It had driven me to drink.