It was such a beautiful day, the sky was clean not a cloud in the sky, after days and days of heavy rain, it was finally nice enough to go kayaking down the river.
I look up from the still waters to see theos back as she's paddling down stream and I hear her giggle
"Look at the fish!" I see her stick her arm into the water, as if she was going to pet one
"If you catch one you gotta kiss it." I tease as I catch up rowing next to her as she looks at me with a sour face. "Hey I don't make the rules nature does"
We both laugh at my dumb joke and keep rowing, taking in the sound of the flowing water, and the view of the trees making arcs above our heads
"I want an outdoor wedding.. I wanna be able to go to that spot with you with our kids and tell them that that's where I married their daddy, that's where we promised to love each other forever."
I can't help but smile, she had our whole future together planned.
"I'd like that... then again we could get married behind a dumpster and id still be the happiest man on earth"
"Wow philip, not even a dumpster with flowers? Aren't I lucky woman." She laughs and I shrug.. I seriously didn't care what happened in the future.. as long as it was with her... I do want to be a dad though- I wanna have a little boy and a little girl.
"...what are you thinking over there hamilton?"
"What would we name our kids?"
She laughs and shakes her head "worry about graduating first, then we can think about having kids"
"If we have a boy we can name them after your father- or if a baby girl your mom?"
She smiles brightly "Someone has baby fever"
I laugh as I slow down pushing my paddle into that sand, watching the water down stream turn into rapids.
"We should stop" I feel anxiety grow over me
"..it's not that bad babe- we've done it before. We are almost to the dock anyways"
"I don't think it's a good idea after it flooding a few days ago theo-"
She paddles forward laughing "come onnnn don't be a babbyyy"
I shake my head and reluctantly follow then stop again
"Theo I really don't think this a good idea.."
It was too late, she couldn't hear me over the rushing waters.
I push forward quickly yelling her name
"Philip it's fine!" She turns back to yell at me and her paddle catches on a rock
She reaches out to grab it and the next thing I knew I saw her flipped over and I scream her name trying to move forward to help her
I grab her kayak and flip it and see she's no longer in it as dread washes over me
I scream her name at the top of my lungs and pull out of the water and stand on the edge of the bank searching in the waters for her, trying my best to remain calm, what was happening not yet hitting me.
I see her figure lying in middle of the river and I have no choice but to jump in the water after her
Her body was motionless, I try to pull her out of the water but the water washes over me and I inhale water getting pulled away by the rushing water and I feel a sharp pain like a blade slide across my arm, as my body is thrown by the waters as I try to reach the surface for air, but I can't even care to breathe I need to get Theodosia out of the water.
I pull myself out of the water by a rock and reach out and pull Theo out, seeing blood trickle down her face
I keep screaming her name as I cough up water and lay her flat on the ground already giving her compressions to her chest
"Hey hey- come on theo- it's okay come on wake up!" I push on her chest waiting for her chest to rise, or for her to cough up water but there's nothing
I run back to my kayak and grab my phone to dial 911 and tell them what happened as I continue trying to perform cpr
I keep doing compressions and I break down sobbing lying my head against her chest in hopes that I will hear her heart beating
"I told you not to go!"
I hear sirens nearby and I pick her lifeless body off the forest floor and run towards the bright lights silently praying
I help the medics lay her in the stretcher and follow them inside the ambulance, not letting her hand go as the they cover her face with a mask and continue performing cpr, serious looks on their faces
I cry as I kiss her hand
"Please baby... don't leave me okay? You'll be okay, come on what did we just talk about? We gotta-" my voice is cut off by my cries.
The visions of our future together rush through my mind
The idea of us getting graduating, getting married everything slowly fades away.
"I'm so sorry"
I close my eyes and I feel a blanket draped over my cold body, the water soaking to my bones.
My mind becomes blank as we race to the hospital.
As the ambulance comes to a stop, and they pull her out and rush her inside I try to follow but I get a hand to the chest as they pull her away.
Im told I can only stay and wait or go home.
I sit on the hall floor, blood from my shoulder staining the white blanket I was given and a nurse approaching me and pulling me into a room as I shake my head but she insists, instead I sit in a chair in the hall in a chair this time as I sit emotionless as they put stitches in my arm.
Soon the nurse who pushed theo inside walks towards me and I stand waiting for them to speak, but the look on their face says it all.
She's gone.
I want to scream. I want to cry. I just wanna leave this place.
But all I can do is shake my head as I sit back down, my head hanging low as I see foot steps approaching me
I lift my head to see her father standing above me, his face unemotional as he speaks.
"You said you'd never hurt her or let anything happen to her." He pulls me up pulling by the blanket draped around me. "You said you'd protect her Philip!" I watch tears falls down his face and I feel myself break into sobs again
"I told her not to go! I tried to stop her and I tried to save her! I would do anything to switch places with her right now! I should be the one dead not her!" I fall into his arms hugging him tightly "I'm so sorry..I'm so fucking sorry I love her so much I'm sorry- I didn't want this" my tears soak his shirt and I feel him hug me back, as he gently rubs my back.
"I'm so sorry..."
What else do I say.
I took away the only thing he had left.
She was gone forever.
Lol authors note here I had this finished 3 days ago but it didn't upload for some reason so here have
Have this sad pile of shit <3
