Weakness of a Gang Leader

Cleo

"What are you going to do?"

I knew it was an almost shallow question, but Luke had to understand the responsibility being placed on his shoulders. I knew he was mature for sixteen, but that didn't change the fact that he was involved with criminals, that he was a criminal, and ultimately that put Lilianna in a dangerous position.

He ran a hand through his hair, as if he had read my thoughts and was just coming to terms with what was going on. Before, he had been enthralled with his daughter and that was all. His mind didn't rest on the sacrifices he would end up having to make in order to protect her.

"I...I don't know, Cleo. I just don't know."

That was when I knew he was beginning to comprehend everything that was happening. He never called me by my first name. Well, almost never. Only on serious occasions.

"I don't know how to be a father. My own was shitty and walked out on me and my mom. How am I supposed to be any better for Lilianna?" He choked on his words, finding them hard to speak.

We rarely talked about the things we wanted from life, including if either of us wanted children. At some point, I knew I wanted kids. I was accustomed to caring for and nurturing young children, especially. They made life...a little more bearable with their sweet innocence.

Luke, he was never sure if he, at any point, wanted children. He didn't want to risk failing them like his father and step father. He knew that if he ever did want to have kids, he wanted it to be at a time that he was ready, a time when he knew he could be the best possible. The dad they deserved and not just the dad they ended up with.

He looked over at me with tears in his eyes. "How am I suppose to do this, Cleo? How do I be a dad? How do I be there for her when my own dad was not there for me? I don't know how to do this." He cried, leaning against me as sobs shook his body softly.

A part of me cried for him. I could not cry on the outside, no I needed to be strong for him. So I wrapped my arms around him and held him close, softly beginning to stroke his hair in attempt to calm him. It always worked after he came home covered in the blood of the lasted unfortunate soul who couldn't afford to pay back the drugs he bought.

As always, it worked this time too. He slowly began to calm down, his sobs evening out, so he breathed more gently. I just continued stroking his hair, kissing the top of his head. "Now, you listen to me, sexy man," I smiled when the nickname made him chuckle softly, "you are going to be a wonderful father. It may have come unexpectedly, but no matter how unprepared you are I know you are going to do everything to be the best possible father for Lilianna. I know you will do anything to make sure she knows everyday that she is loved, and that you will protect her with your very life, if it comes down to that." I kissed his head one last time and then moved to gently take Lilianna out of his arms, careful to not wake her up.

I grabbed a woven laundry basket, laying a few freshly washed towels inside. It wasn't an ideal crib, but it was better than nothing. She couldn't just sleep on the bed with Luke, as there couldn't be any risk to her somehow falling off the edge. I placed her carefully inside the basket before returning to Luke, straddling his hips and running my hands over his chest, nails teasingly scratching his skin.

With a soft bite of my lip, I leaned forward and pressed myself against him, bringing my lips to his ear. "Let me make it better, baby. Just for a little while. Let me help you forget."

A part of my wishes I could be more to him than a way to forget through means of sex. I wanted him to take me out on dates. I wanted us to walk hand-in-hand through the park, then for him to push me against a tree and make out with me for fifteen minutes. I wanted us to be more than this friends-with-benefits.

I needed him to look at me darkly, possessively, and pull me against his chest to growl in my ear that I was his. I needed him to hold me close and tell me he loved me. I needed him to kiss away the invisible tears on my cheeks caused by tears of painful abandonment and darkness. I just needed him.

I couldn't have him, though. I knew I probably never would. He was so guarded, and only wanted one thing from me other than my friendship. He didn't want us to be anything more than we already were.

So, I would settle for what I had. Maybe it wasn't much. Maybe I would forever remain a way to find comfort through sexual release. As much as that broke my heart, it was better than him wanting nothing to do with me. Though his love was all I wanted, I had to be fine with what he gave.

A smile made its way to his lips as he slid his hands up my legs, hips and waist, before finally settling on my ass to give it a light squeeze. Hook, line and sinker. I knew he would take my offer. Though I wasn't egotistical, I knew him better than anyone. And despite all that had transpired in the last hour and a half, I knew that the comfort of my body was what he needed. No matter how much I wanted more, just knowing I could be there for him in a way no other girl had, that was enough. For now, it was enough.