Carry On

Masquerading As A Man With A Reason

"Cas!"

His name fell dead in my throat.

He.....was gone.

Where he and Billie had just been- only to be consumed by the Empty- was nothing. Not a single trace of the hell that would've been.

I don't know how much time passed with me just sitting there, trying not to think about what had just happened. Minutes, if I was lucky. Hours, if I wasn't.

....Cas loves me.

The thought ran through my brain a trillion times over, and I still couldn't quite grasp it. It's not that I didn't not love him, it's just that I loved him because he was family. But Cas...he loves me for who I am, in all its awful messiness. He loves me because I am me.

But this realization wouldn't come to me until much later, and right then and there I was stuck mulling over what had happened again and again with only a static barrier to keep me from breaking down.

All I could think was, "Cas confessed his love for me and now he's gone."

And it was that last part that my head hyper-focused on.

Cas was gone.

Which led to my next thought.

How can I get him back?

I didn't have the first clue how, but I wanted, no, needed to get him back.

Because he was family. And family means that nobody gets left behind.

Not if I can help it.

—

A familiar ringing sound broke my thoughts and brought me back to my reality.

I took out my phone and immediately felt a wave of relief when I saw whose name was flashing across the screen.

Sam.

I answered immediately with my still-shaking hands.

"Dean??!!!"

"Hiya, Sammy. How are you and the others?"

"They're all gone, Dean- they all just fucking disappeared-"

My heart dropped.

"...All of them?"

"Besides me and Jack, yeah. The ward didn't fucking work. What happened down there??"

I didn't know what to say.

"Billie....Is gone. But....Cas.....Cas is too."

There was no response from Sam.

"I....I couldn't fucking stop him, Sam. He made some sort of deal with the Empty, and it took the both of them."

"....Fuck."

"Yeah, fuck is correct."

"Sam...We have to get him back."

"Dean-"

"We can't do this without him-"

"Dean, yes we can, Jack and I have a plan-"

"SAM!"

The other end of the phone went silent.

"......I don't care whether you or Jack have a goddamn plan or not. Cas fucking sacrificed himself for all of us, and I refuse to go on with this fucking bullshit without getting him back. He's family, Sam. Family."

I heard Sam sigh.

"I...Dean. Think. Do you have any idea how to get him back?"

"....I..."

"That's what I thought. Right now, we need to regroup at the bunker. We need a plan. I know you are hurting, and don't forget, Jack and I are too. Everyone is gone, Dean. If we only focus on getting Cas back, we risk....well......everything."

"...I'm willing to take that risk."

"Dean-"

"Sam. How the hell can we finish off Chuck without Cas?? He's the only angel we truly got on our side, and now that everyone is gone, we have no choice."

"Dean-"

"Jack doesn't have his powers, the world is fucked, and you don't want me to get back the most powerful trustworthy ally we have? I'm sorry Sam but-"

"DEAN. LISTEN. TO. ME. We don't know if everyone for sure is gone, just at least all of the hunters and normal population. Just because we haven't found any angels doesn't mean there aren't any."

"...So what's your plan here?"

"We need to regroup. At the bunker. Like I said. From there, we can go on a search for any other survivors. Chuck let us live because he finds us amusing, so there's got to be some others he let survive as well."

I felt my blood cool down, if only slightly.

"Fine. I'll make my way towards the bunker. But just so you know, we're still going to get Cas back."

"...Dean....You know what? If you can pull it off, if you present an actual plan, sure. Go get back Cas. But for now..."

"For now, meet back up at the bunker blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blegh-blargh-bloogh."

"...Yes."

"Alright."

Click.

My hand drifted down the the ground, phone grasped in it. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

I opened them, and my eyes drifted upwards towards the ceiling.

Only one though courses through my mind.

Where are you, Cas?