Self-Conclusion || A Bucky Barnes Story [Future!Fic]

Chapter One

"We all flirt with the tiniest notion of self-conclusion in one simplified notion. You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it. No matter how unbearable this misery gets."

I stood at the edge of the roof, the cold winter wind whipping past my face. My arms were wrapped tightly around one of the support beams as I contemplated the distance from the roof to the deserted alley below me. I wouldn't remember hitting the ground; I was high enough to recognize that.

I had left my phone and IDs at home and my sister thought that I was visiting a friend in D.C. for the week. No one would miss me for a while. I took one last breath, feeling the tears stinging my eyes, but I couldn't feel what I should. There was no fear, no anxiety, and no terror, just emptiness and a settled sense of peace. I didn't deserve to be here anyway.

Letting my arms go from the beam, I inched to the edge, the tip of my toes dangling over the edge. Closing my eyes, I leaned forward, putting all of my weight on the front of my foot. I could feel the falling sensation start, then abruptly stop.

Something pulled at the back of my sweater and suddenly I was falling backwards, my back and head hitting the pavement of the roof with a disorienting smack. I opened my eyes to blurred vision and someone standing over me. It took a few more blinks to see him clearly.

He was wearing a dark hoodie and a blue beanie with chestnut curls peeking out from under it. His eyes were a clear blue-gray and he looked murderously angry.

"What the fuck were you doing?" He asked me. His voice was low and scratchy, like he hadn't used it in several hours. I frowned at his tone.

"What did you think?" I snapped, my anger growing as well at my disruption. "Trying to die."

"I know that." He sighed. "I want to know why."

"Don't fucking worry about it. You don't even know me." I replied, still angry as I sat up, running a hand through my hair and wincing at the pain in the back of my head.

"I know." He murmured. "Maybe we can change that?"

My eyebrows literally shot up in shock.

"What?" I was confused. Who did he think he was?  "We who?"

"I said maybe we can change that." He repeated, reaching a hand out to help me up. I stood, brushing my clothes off before looking at him closer. He looked vaguely familiar. "We- you and me. I want to help."

"I don't need your help." I shook my hand away from his, but my anger had started to dissipate, leaving me just empty.

"I'm sure if you take a second, the things that made you want to jump might be things you can change or cope with now." He told me.

"You say that like it's so easy to want to stay alive. I don't want to anymore." I snapped again. Why was I even wasting the last of my time. "I can't change the thing that made me want to die. They're dead, okay? They're all dead."

"Mine are dead too." He shrugged and I looked at him. His blue-grey eyes felt like they were staring straight through all of my excuses. "Just come stay one night." He offered.  "I'd be lying to you if I say that this is easy. It isn't. I know that my words won't change your mind. You can come with me or you can stay up here. It's up to you."

I stared into his blue-gray eyes and something pulled me. "Fine. One night."

He sighed in relief.

"I swear to God if you're lying, I'll leave. I'll jump right off this very rooftop and you'll never see it coming."

"Calm down doll, I understand." He gently reached out to me and that's when I realized I was shaking. "Just before you got here, I was going to jump too."