Small things

'Why we look the same, have the same surname, have-'

And I'm woken up (not by my annoying ass alarm clock this time) but with the words Noah spoke last night ; 'why we look the same, have the same surname, have-' on repeat - again and again and again. I calapse back onto my bed and try not to think about it. But I can't, I can't even think of what he might be trying to say because I'm not sure if I can even deal with it. 'Why we look the same, have the same surname have-' Agh God damnit! Get a grip of yourself Emily! Frustrated that I keep thinking about it I try checking my phone to distract myself from the real truth that I might be afraid of thinking into. But although my phone checking, there was nothing interesting enough to distract me from the thoughts - not even Kim Kardashians latest selfie with blue eyes!

'Why we look the same, have the same surname have-' OH MY GOD SHUT UP!! Fuming I get up now fully alert unlike my average morning and head to the bathroom - but the thing is, you can't really look fuming stomping the the bathroom in pink fluffy slippers. DAMNIT! Now I feel like I'm over thinking everything, I'm getting pissed at almost everything and I constantly feel like smashing mine (or someone else's) head on a brick wall! I try hard not to blame this on what Noah said, so I try blaming it on my period, when then I find out that that's no excuse since my next expected date is in just less than a month...
I really hate getting pissed at my family for reasons like this and I really can't afford to today so I decide to skip breakfast and avoid dad and Jack this morning and head straight to school. Half way to school I decide that I feel too rushed going to school now, I check my phone : 8:45 - that leaves just enough time for a walk on the pebbles at the shore of the beach, I pull of my jumper and wrap it around my waist for that summer-breeze kinda feel on my arms, and I feel like I'm 6 again walking on the beach carelessly. The sun is just rising over the dark blue ever lasting sea giving that kind of warm glow making my eyes and hair shine - like in a Tumblr hipster picture, and for the first time in an actually long time, I feel happy again - but this time like proper happy, and I've figured now, that I think I enjoy time alone the most. I can think...

And unfortunately my happy moment is broken by the thought of:

'Why we look the same, have the same surname have-' AGH! I frustrated at the thought ruining my moment kick a couple of stones in front of me letting out an angry grunt, when I hear a voice in front of me 'Hey...You okay?' Someone squeaks. I look up embarrassed to find a little year 7 girl with cute curly brown hair tied up in two bunches, staring wide-eyed at me with her big brown chocolatey brown eyes, looking concerned as I try blink away the tears that are now trickling down my face, I let out a little fake laugh to try not worry her 'I'm fine thanks, sweetie' I say gratefully that she asked. Shyly she nods and starts to walk past me carefully, just as she stops next to me and leans in closer, 'you know you don't have to pretend, sometimes it's best to just let yourself cry' she whispers and then carries on walking just as I let the tears stream down my face, but this time, it's not because of what Noah said - it's because of what she said, never has anyone asked me if I'm okay when I'm sad and actually cared - she cares. 'Thanks' I whisper under the salty taste of my tears, but she's gone, I can see her dainty little figure in the distance walking to school and it makes me think of when I was that age...

Later that day at school I'm surprised I haven't seen Noah all day, normally I can see him with he's friends even when I don't talk to him but now, he's no where. I search around the cafeteria for him and even outside where the dodgy senior drug sellers are and he's not not anywhere. I mean, it's not like I want to see him or anything, because that would be aawkwaardd! But maybe he's just making things easier, I mean avoiding each other at school would make sense, saying that I don't think we are going to tell anyone until we have to... 'Ooh, who ya looking for?' Kristi says with a wink examining the hall for anyone I might be searching for. 'You wouldn't believe me even if I told you' I say sarcastically 'I take that as a challenge then' Kristi says we a serious competitive look in her eye. 'Noah Hawkins' i confidently spit out, looking at the shocked look on her face as I said his name. 'Like Noah, Noah?' She says disbelievably 'told you' I smirk 'ha. It's funny, you guys have the same surname. He's like your brother from another mother! You know? Like you guys look a lot alike as well!' She jokes around. She obviously doesn't know what's going on, like maybe if she said this a few weeks ago I'd laugh with her, but now after what he said, I can't. 'I've got to go.' I say in the bitchiest tone I didn't intend on, but I can't deal with this.. I'm just speed walking down the hallway holding back my tears when I carelessly turn the corner and bump right into Noah. Great. Now the tears start steaming down my face. 'Just stay away from me.' I plead 'I-I, I'm sorry, I didn't know-' he reaches trying to comfort me, 'NO!' I reply annoyed at what he told me yesterday evening, because it's made me think too much! I carelessly run away down the hallway and lock myself up in the bathroom cubicle to have a little crying fest - a well needed crying fest, and I stay in there for a good half an hour until someone is desperate for the toilet - I mean in the mood I was in I was tempted I leave them outside and watch the embarrassment but I guess I came to my senses - ish...