You're Still the One I'm After (all these years)

chapter 9: the last roundup

A/N: omfg i'm so sorry that it took this long for me to publish this chapter. but fear not- because this is the chapter you've all probably been waiting for. it's been so fun to write, so i hope you enjoy!!

"I'm sorry."

Those are the first words that escape Applejack's lips after about a lifetime of silence.

They're on the ground, and Rarity's still holding her; hands stroking her hair, rubbing her back. Applejack has the stray thought that the other woman's outfit would probably be ruined- all covered in grass and dirt once they both stood up.

Applejack's head is still leaning against Rarity's chest, so she doesn't see her mouth twist into a frown, "Darling, you.. you have nothing to apologize for. I understand now."

"How can you forgive me when I can't even.." Applejack trails off, feeling her voice catch in her throat. She wanted to avoid that feeling of dread for as long as possible. "I left you- all of you. Because I was selfish."

"You weren't selfish, you were hurting."

"I was selfish," she insists, lifting her head up to look the other woman in the eye. "I kept saying that I knew you'd all be okay, but I wasn't- I wasn't thinking about you guys at all. I just knew I couldn't stay here. Not after Ma and Pa.."

"Applejack.. that wasn't your fault."

The blonde blinks a few tears away, "hard not to feel that way."

"I know," Rarity says, "I just need you to hear that. I hope that one day you'll believe it."

There's a few moments of silence before Rarity speaks again.

"Have you been carrying around this guilt all this time?"

Applejack swallows thickly and doesn't answer, green eyes filled with shame and regret, and all the pain that Rarity so desperately wants to take away. Applejack deserved none of it- all the guilt of that terrible accident weighed down on her, and it hurt to see.

"I forgave you a long time ago. Everyone here has forgiven you- everyone but you.."

Applejack sighs, looking away from the purple haired woman. "It's not that simple.. but I promise I'm trying. I just need more time."

"And I'll- we'll all be here for as long as you need us." Rarity says, wiping the last tear from Applejack's freckled cheek— Neither of them had it in them to even feel flustered any longer. The moment was so intimate, but not yet romantic.

They're both silent for a little while after before Applejack vividly remembers something. Something Rainbow Dash had said to her that had been nagging at her brain for the past day.

"Rainbow Dash said I broke your heart."

"You believe everything Rainbow says now?"

"Rarity.."

The purple haired woman sighs, clearly reluctant to respond. Applejack didn't blame her. "In a sense.. you could actually say that I broke my own heart. After you left I just kept thinking.. was I not a good enough reason to stay for?"

Applejack opened her mouth to speak, but Rarity continued, "And I know. It's ridiculous to assume that I could've made you stay when I didn't even realize you were planning on leaving. I just.. I started doubting if that date meant anything to you."

"That date," Applejack blurts out, "and every day leading up to then- all the stolen glances, fleeting touches; it meant everything to me."

For the first time since they'd gotten to this spot next to the river, Rarity smiles. "Back then, I.. I never thought I could love anyone more."