i dont know if u will like this or not but i tried to make it less sad😀✋🏻
now you probably think i woke up in a hospital all alive and shit. But no.
Everything is still black. dark. nothing.
i feel nothing. no emotions and no feelings
no tears, nothing. and i like it
no drama, no fighting, no hurting, no billie
i wonder how she will feel when she finds out what i did. I hope shes hurting as much as i did.
i want her to suffer just as much as i did, but at the same time not because i STILL love her.
but i just couldnt take it anymore..
and the truth is i never wanted to die, i just wanted to stop hurting
and all because of her. i lost everything because of her. But at one point she was my everything.
i had no one and nothing except her. i imagined my future with her; dates, proposal, marriage, kids.
but i was hurting so much because of her.
and that bitch she slept woth, or the guy that raped me..
i just had enough. people told me to keep fighting.
sometimes it hurts more to hold on then to let go
and i did, i let go everything i had..
-
i can still feel in my chest how my heart beats slower and slower as the time passes. and people always talk about 'the light at the end of a tunnel' but i see no light. i guess its because i had no light in life at all
my heart beats slow, very slow..
why cant it just stop and let this nightmare end?!
i slit up my wrists and somehow my heart still beats
Why cant i just die?!
whats holding me back?!
suddenly i feel like i can move my body again
my toes, my fingers and later my legs and arms
i move my head a little and now i can feel the ground under me.
i move my fingers and feel stones.
im still at the same place.
i move my head and immediately feel a huge headache. my eyes are still closed and my mind is lost.
i lift my arm over my head.
1..2..3..drops land on my cheek
blood
And there.. i open my eyes..
My sight is blurry and the sound of trees is kind off blurry too. i look at my arm. blood. a lot of blood.
im probably gonna die any second.
i've lost a lot of blood already. i dont understand why i cant just die? its not that hard..?
i close my eyes again and think. i just think about everything.
why cant i just die tho..? i've got nothing to live for.
billie is always drunk. She screams at me. She makes me cry. She treats me like a slave and a whore.
she cheats on me. She doesnt love me!
right..
"I DONT LOVE YOU! I ONLY LOVE Y/N!"
that sentence..
is that really whats holding me so long?
She doesnt love me. Why cant i just understand that?!
i lean my head on my left side. i cant see clear.
the scars on my arm are beating cuz of the pain.
Suddenly i feel how my chest sinks, my breath slows down. its finally happening...
Suddenly i hear sirens. I cant tell if they are close or not, but im sure they are coming for me..
my breath slows down and soon its all gone.
My heart will finally stop beating.
c'mon, just few more seconds and im gone..
-billie's pov-
she's gone. she really left this time, and she wont come back. the love of my life.
i treated her like trash and i cheated on her..
i dont know why
i guess i just thought i could do anything and she would still come back..
but now shes actually gone. now it hits me that i lost her. i got drunk, i screamed at her, i made her cry...
and she always stuck by my side..
for the last hours i just sat on the sofa crying my eyes out. i cant imagine the pain she must've felt when she saw me with the other girl.. even tho i didnt even like having sex with her..
