"𝐼𝑛𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑖𝑒, 𝑤ℎ𝑦 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑑 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑒?"
when a man is already at his worst and felt like he's carrying the whole world in his back... a girl suddenly appea...
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The front gate of the school was filled with students desperately wanting to go home after a long week of seemingly endless of mind-numbing lessons and hectic homeworks. It's been a week of y/n avoiding Yeonjun as much as she can, even if she knows that something is missing ever since she started avoiding him. A big part of her is missing.
She stood behind the crowd of people squeezing in one another, she let the students passed by her first, since she doesn't want to join that little stampede occuring particularly in their school gate. While standing and waiting, her eyes widened when someone accidentally bumped onto her back which made her to took a step forward supporting her balance for her not to fall. She looked up to that someone who bumped her, and was surprised to see Yeonjun, out of all people.
"S-sorry" Yeonjun was shocked as well, it was clearly visible in his face. But somehow, he's thankful to that someone who pushed him that made him accidentally bumped into y/n. Because he was able to get close again with her like this, it feels like a once in a lifetime moment since she started avoiding him.
She just nodded and refused to say something as she looked away ignoring him. She was more than ready to take a step forward and walk away from him even if it means walking together with crowded people squeezing each other just to go home. But she was stopped by a hand holding her wrist softly, which made her looked back again at Yeonjun "What?"
"Can I talk to you for a minute? It won't take any longer! I just really need to talk to you, please" he begged with a weak tone but enough for y/n to hear it clearly even if his voice contemplating with the noise of every students surrounding them.
His cheeks rose blushing in embarrassment and nervousness as he ran his hand through the back of his prickly head hair. His eyes shied away from your gaze, looking down anxiously. Expecting for a rejection but pleaded once again, "please..."
......
A peaceful silence fell over the two that was only filled with their surrounding noises. Every second of silence, y/n felt her knees weightless as she was suffocated with the deafening silence in between them. A week of not being able to talk to him, feels like a year or so.
Between the silence, y/n looked at him with disbelief, scanning his undeniably good features. Wind whipped a bit strand of his hair, carrying them away along with the wind. She have to admit it, but Yeonjun never failed to amazed her. Even just by standing there, she can't control her heart from further beating so fast. He's doing it effortlessly, and without even knowing that he's plain giving her a lot of impact.
In the aftermath of her devastating argument with Yeonjun that made their friendship gone wrong, bringing residual pangs of heartache to the both of them. For her, an unidentified pain arose from the steadily increasing amount of time that passed without a resolution. She doesn't know if the pain was caused by realizing Yeonjun was the one who could've possibly help her sister back then or the pain was caused because why does it have to be Yeonjun out of all people? But for Yeonjun, he's suffering emanated from his inability to devise an apology that would be worthy for her forgiveness. He couldn't say any word to explain everything to her. He was always left speechless whenever the situation is all about her.
When Yeonjun suddenly diverted his eyes down at her, her eyes widened and soon looked away as if she wasn't staring at him just a few seconds ago, "Y-you're wasting my time! I'm leaving---"
"y/n... are you regretting that you saved me from my near death?" Yeonjun suddenly asked, cutting what y/n was supposed to say.
y/n looked at him, and after seeing him looking at her is what made her looked away once again and stuttered to say a one word, "n-no"
"are you regretting that you met me? And gave me reasons not to die?" He asked again, still looking at y/n who's now trying her best not to meet his gaze.
"no... not at all" she answered, but this time she didn't hesitate nor stutter.
A smile grew on Yeonjun's face once he heard that answer from y/n. He remembered the last time he was able to talk to her like this, where they argued about the thing in which y/n told him about she wished she just let him fall to his death before. When we're mad and anger kept on growing inside us unstoppably, we tend to say things without thinking if that's the thing we really wanted to say. Yeonjun looked down with a smile displayed on his lips. "good. Because I'm not regretting as well."
"i don't regret meeting you. I don't regret staying alive while waiting for those reasons you're about to tell me. I don't regret loving you" he emphasized the last sentence he said, wanting to convey his feelings that was being hidden inside him ever since then.
y/n looked down in disbelief, as she felt her hands shaking in an unidentified reason. Her heart was pounding so fast, that she's afraid Yeonjun might hear it.
"i did it right? Despite of knowing I will hurt myself. I told you how I feel for you."
y/n's eyes widened as her eyes shifted back up to Yeonjun only to find out he's now looking all down anxiously, bitting his lower lip to prevent himself from further breaking down in front of her and crying all his eyes out until the pain is gone. He couldn't afford to cry, it will only make him pathetic if he does.
"I love you... just incase this would be the last time I'll be able to see you" Yeonjun said significantly which made y/n's body froze as unidentified fear suddenly crept inside her, twisting her heart with an overriding pain.
Yeonjun turned his back around the opposite way as he began walking away from her. She badly wanted to speak, her mouth even agape lightly wanting to say a word or ask him what's beyond the meaning of what he said. She's afraid. More than afraid that she will no longer see him again. But pride was too much for her, pride override the fear she's feeling. That she ended up letting him go away from her, and just cried while he walks away.
