Untitled Fears

1

"You can't even protect yourself so you had to get your sister to save you, weak little bitch," my mother slurred through her drunken state. Olivia pushed me behind her as my mother kept screaming at us both. Our mother took a bottle and threw it at us both and she wanted it to hit me but because I was behind Olivia, it hit her instead. She stuttered slightly before regaining her balance and rolling up her sleeves. 

"Ryan, go upstairs, this will be over relatively quickly," she said. I ran up the steps and closed my door then sliding down the wood. I hate that Olivia has to protect me from someone I should be able to fight on my own. The crashing downstairs meant that Olivia wasn't holding back today. I clutched my hands to my ears and clenched my fists as old cuts in my wrists started to reopen and bleed through the bandages under my gloves. I quickly pulled off the gloves and used the drenched bandages to try and stop the rest of the bleeding. SHIT.  Not while Liv's here. I got the old towel from under my bed and started cleaning all the blood dripping down my arm. 

My older sister doesn't know that I cut and I'd like to keep it that way. It scares her beyond belief the idea of me hurt so if she knew I was hurting myself, she wouldn't leave my side for a split second. I cleaned the blood and applied fresh bandages to my arm. My life's been like this since I was 11. My mother became more abusive and I started blaming myself for it all. For my parent's divorce, for Olivia having to carry the Crossfire name instead of me, for being a weakling instead of standing up for myself. I'm worthless and my mother and father have made that very clear. My sister is a sergeant in the Navy meaning she left on assignments and came back, scarred or untouched but she always came back. She's actually three years older than me and I'm just her younger, opposing shadow. The kid in the back of the class who knew the answer to every question thrown at him yet struggled unless it was read out to him. The weak, gay, little shit who didn't fight back when you hit him, whose sister was badass but clearly didn't know what was going on with her brother. That is basically the summary of my life. 

But, at this moment in time, my mother was yelling at me for some unknown reason because she was drunk. Like always. Olivia was protecting me, but today was different. My mother picked a fight. And, Olivia is obviously taking it. I put on my headset and found a song before working on my assignments. About three hours later, close to midnight, there was a knock on my door and I was pried from my nap on my desk. I opened my door to see Olivia just slightly scratched. 

"Same time next week?" she asked. 

"Are you ok?" I asked, my hand running over the scratch in her face but she didn't even flinch. 

"I'm fine, Ryan, just stay safe for me," she said. I smiled at her and nodded so she smiled in return. Then she gave me a hug before turning to walk down the hall, turning back and handing me a box and then making her way out the house. When I looked at the box, it was a glasses case. Wait did she...? I opened the box to be met with glasses fit for my face and I believe they were the right prescription as well. This, this is one of the reasons I love my sister like no one else. I never had time to go get these with the right prescription but my sister apparently did. Also, I was hesitant. I didn't need another thing to be made fun of. Something expensive to have broken on the first day. I'll deal with it in the morning. 

---Morning---

I dodged a bottle flying at my head as my mother yelled at me for waking her up by using the shower. I mean, I had to shower, what do you want me to do? Tell the water to shut up? I walked to the bus stop and waited while leaning on the pole. I scrolled through my phone watching videos with my headphones on and just glanced at the girls chatting in the corner, slightly pointing at me and giggling but I really didn't care. The glasses case was tucked away in my bag safely and I didn't have much else to worry about. The bus arrived and I took my place in the back by the window. I read a few boy love stories before we arrived at school. Everyone got off and I walked inside, hidden in the crowd as I made my way to my damaged, broken, dented locker that was somehow still handing onto the wall. I got my English text book and put my sketch/dream book in there with my lunch. 

"What's up doc?" my best and only friend, Kito, asked. We met by literally asking each other meme references back in 1st grade. The kids think he transferred here because he beat up a kid who spoke to him the wrong way when in reality, he's a sweetheart and I doubt that he would do more than threaten. Whenever he's around, the kids pick fewer fights with me but I don't care anyways since I just go limp and take the blows anyways. 

"I'm tired and I have a headache, how bout' you?" I asked, giving him a side smile. 

"You didn't eat breakfast and something's bothering you," he said. "You are relying on memes and music to get to school. What happened?"

I looked around at the crowded hallways with kids no doubt listening in for some secret or something. We walked to the old music room, ignoring wondering looks before walking into and I slid the door shut. I showed him my glasses and personally, I liked them but I was still scared to wear them. I almost put them back in the box but Kito just pushed them back on my head. 

"Wha-?" I tried to ask but he cut me off.

"You have been struggling to see in class since 3rd grade," he told me, stating a fact we both knew way too well. "If you can finally fucking see well, just keep them on. Anyone bothers you, tell me and I'll go beat them up."

"You aren't going to do that anytime soon," I told him. I fixed the glasses on my face and left them there. "Just promise you won't let them break, these are expensive and my sister doesn't come back for another two weeks. I can't break them and upset her."

"I promise, just tell me when someone bothers you, okay?" He requested and I nodded before he ruffled my hair and we left the room for first period. I think I'm falling for him harder than I should.

We went through the day and it was normal besides the new whispered comments on my glasses and how dumb they looked. They may look dumb, but I'm still smarter than all the kids combined. I'm training to be a doctor since I always get hurt. I even bought a thousand pack of zip-stitches that I go through in like a week. I was on my way to my last class that I had with Kito and I was pulled by my collar into an empty classroom. The culprit threw me into a desk and I fell to the ground before hearing a familiar snicker. Mara.

"You know, I never really thought  you could look any stupider but you have prove me wrong," she said. "The glasses just complete the nerd, gay, bitch look on you. You know what's missing, a few new scars."

This girl is fast and strong and crazy. She is a fucking yandere for Kito but he's be rejecting girls since we met. When he rejected Mara, she took it out on me. Spread the rumors, bullies me when everyones in class and I'm too much of a fucking failures to do anything about it. So here, as she beats me into a puddle of my own blood with what I believe are brass knuckles, I lay waiting for death to come and take me. But by some miracle, there seems to be an angel calling out to me, saying "hold on...". For Kito, for Liv, I'll try.