mr. mara

•9•

[1 month later]

"We could get drunk," Edwin suggests.

"I hate drinking," I remind them.

"I don't understand why," Maggie says. "It's so much fun to just let loose."

I look at Zion and he gives me a small smile because he knows how I feel about drinking. Well we both feel the same way about it, but nobody from our friend group actually knows. I haven't told Nick either.

When we were fifteen our best friend, Remi, was killed by drunk driver. She was my best friend and was dating Zion at the time. It was the worst moment of our lives, so we always agreed to stay away from that shit. Drinking isn't worth anything.

"I just don't," I say.

"Okay," Ansley says, "We could go to a party, but we don't have to drink. It would be fun to just dance around and shit."

"Sounds fun," Izzy says.

"Uh," I say. "I'm not going to go. I'm just going to head home. I'm not feeling the best."

"What? No," Brandon complains, "It's always the best with the whole gang."

"Maybe next weekend," I say. "I'm not up for a party or anything."

"We don't have to go," Ansley says. "We can do something different."

I smile and I stand up from Maggie's kitchen table, "No, I don't mind at all. You guys go on and have fun. I'll see you guys on Monday."

"Okay," Izzy says. "We might stop by later tonight."

I look at Zion, "Are you going?"

"Duh," he smiles, "I'm the DD."

***

I unlock his door with the key he gave me and I walk into the apartment. I lay down in his bed because he's not here right now. He's at some meeting at the school. I'm not sure what it's about, but I know he should be home soon.

I shove my face into his pillow and I let his smell go through my nose. I wish he was here right now, but this will have to do for now.

To be honest, I hate when people talk about drinks and shit. It always makes me so uncomfortable and upset. I know that they don't mean anything by it because they don't know anything, but it still hurts.

It's been about three years without her now and I miss her everyday. She's just not someone you can forget like that. She was one of a kind. Beautiful, funny, kind, caring, respectful, responsible. She was everything to me, but she was taken so fast by a stupid man that was drunk.

Tears soak into Nick's pillow as I think about everything we went through. All the laughs. The tears. Happiness. Fights. It was all worth everything to me.

She was my person.

I have new people now and I'm so grateful for them, but not having her is so hard for me. I think about her every single day. I miss her a lot.

"Kai?"

"Mhm," I mumble.

"I didn't know you were coming over." I hear him put his things down and I turn over on the bed.

"Yea, I didn't know either."

"What's wrong, love?" He lays down next to me and I lay my head on his chest as he wraps his arms tightly around me.

"Nothing," I whisper.

"You're crying."

"Yea," I say. "I was just thinking."