Time: 3:03 a.m.
It's strange, the way I live. Constantly in fear, yet constantly in need of what I'm terrified of.
It would be easy for others to fall in love with me; I'm kind, compassionate, honest, and faithful. I make bad jokes at the worst times and sometimes can be a little stubborn. It would be easy to fall in love with me, as conceited as that sounds. I make my own money, and my fingers manage to play piano like a professional.
It would be easy to get into a relationship for me, multiple genders have approached me in search of a number to contact so they would be able to take me on a walk to a café close by, maybe go watch a movie, even a request to go surfing together.
God, it would be so easy to fall in love with me. And people agree, so why does everyone end up being a friend? I'll tell you why: because even though I'm everything people are searching for, I can never reciprocate what they're feeling.
I can never hold their hand like they want me to in that nice, cozy café they take me to. I can never cuddle up to the girl next to me in the movie theater and have her arms wrapped around me during the gory part of the horror film. I can never sit in the middle of the ocean on my board, across from the strikingly handsome guy and just admire him like he does to me.
But god, I wish I could. I long for what I'm terrified of, I long for love. And a large part of me fears I always will, but some small minuscule sliver of me knows that what I'm searching for will come to me eventually. But maybe that's just false hope.
-xx
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Fun fact: all '.5' parts of this book will be real notes I have personally written about myself in the past. Literally word for word :D
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3 a.m.
Fanfiction"'cause it's three a.m. and i'm calling everybody that i know. and yeah, i'll take fake moans and dial tones, let 'em spill right down the microphone. i need it digital 'cause baby when it's physical i end up alone." ______________________ in wh...
