𝕃𝕖𝕧𝕚 𝔸𝕜𝕖𝕣𝕞𝕒𝕟 𝕏 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣 𝕠𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕥𝕤

Ｔｈｅ ｎｅｘｔ ｒｉｇｈｔ ｔｈｉｎｇ 浦韻ゟ営

Word count: 2091

warning: sad, angst, fluff

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I've seen dark before, but not like this

This is cold, this is empty, this is numb

We made our way towards the walls on horseback, an eerie silence fell over us all, the sky was clouded a deep depressing gray with rain pouring down heavily. Another failed mission. all those deaths, for what? my entire squad had been whipped out, one of them being my best friend.

If I had just been a little faster I could have saved them. Why me? why did I get to live? It should have been me. things will never be the same again, I hate this

The life I knew is over, the lights are out
Hello, darkness, I'm ready to succumb

I would never see her smile again, hear her laugh, she had been my best friend for as long as I can remember, she was the strong one, she always defended me and what did she get in return? I let her die.

how would I look the parents of my dead squad mates in the eye and tell them their child died because of me? I can't. I don't have it in me

This guilt was tearing my very being apart. I joined the scouts with so much hope and courage, only to get slapped in the face with the harsh reality of it, this is a place where all hope went to die. this was like signing your own death contract.

I follow you around, I always have

But you've gone to a place I cannot find

I looked at all the faces around me, they wore the exact same expression as me, even the more experienced scouts. I noticed captain Levi not to far on my right, he wore his signature stoic look across his features.

I wonder how he held it together so well, somewhere deep down he had to be hurting, after all, he was only human but even after losing his two best friends and his entire squad he still stood strong.

This grief has a gravity, it pulls me down

he must have noticed my staring as he turned, looking straight into my eyes, I made no move to look away, his eyes held so much pain, I could tell, he looked defeated, you both looked at each other with a mutual understanding, silently acknowledging each others pain.

you had only spoken a handful of words to the man but had tremendous respect for him. I admired him deeply. he was the first to break eye contact as he focused his attention up front. we had now reached the gates.

My gut wrenched in fear, I felt sick to my stomach. we were scoffed at and belittled. If only they knew what it was like. I kept my head down eyes looking forward, blocking out everything around me, everything sounded distant, barley able to make out any words.

But a tiny voice whispers in my mind
You are lost, hope is gone

It didn't last long as my horse came to a halt, a person stood in front "you're Malcom's friend right? (y/n), do you know where he is?" I gave her a blank stare, my throat felt like sandpaper, unable to utter a word.