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I woke up this morning to a ton of notifications on my phone. All of them from either my dad or Lucas. Most of them were from my dad, who was just sending angry voicemails and screaming at me to never come home. He repeated all of the same things that he had said last night. After the fifth voicemail, I just ended up deleting the rest of them. Lucas texted me saying that my dad told him that I left, and he tried persuading me to come home.
You're being fucking selfish Hazel. Come home right now.
I ignored his texts, knowing that I couldn't go home anytime soon. It wouldn't be healthy for my mental and physical health. I'm already dealing with enough stuff already, and I just can't have my dad and Lucas berating me added to that list.
I decided to take a hot shower to rinse off the events from last night. When I stripped down in front of the bathroom mirror, I saw how much damage my dad had actually done. There were bruises all around my torso and some on my neck; a dark one was forming on my cheek, and it was pretty painful. There was a small cut that ran along my cheekbone, probably from my dad's wedding ring. It hurt like a bitch to bend over or stretch, but I was glad I made sure to grab some ibuprofen before I left the house.
I quickly pulled my gaze away from the mirror; not wanting to look at myself for too long. My feet stepped onto the cold shower floor and I immediately felt hot water run down my body. It stung a bit on my cuts, but I didn't mind; I was just glad to be able to clean off the memories of last night.
As I rinsed my hair out, my mind wandered back to what happened just a couple hours ago. I've been trying my best to avoid it, but now it seemed to be all I could think about. Last night I felt like nothing was ever truly going to get better. I was always going to be stuck in this abusive household, with someone who doesn't love me anymore. I saw death as my only option to get away from it all, to get away from my dad, and his accusations. Lucas always liked my dad and the two got along whenever they were together. It seemed to be the only time where my dad acted like he could actually stand me. I guess that's why I kept Lucas around for so long, I thought that maybe if he and I were together then my dad would finally accept me as his daughter.
Lucas was never the greatest boyfriend; he always forgot all of our anniversaries, and I knew he would have one night stands off to the side every so often. But I always looked the other way because I thought maybe this was a way I could fix my broken family. Maybe then, I would actually do something that made my mom proud of me.
After standing at the bridge and coming back to reality, I just knew this wasn't the end for me. I need to keep holding on for just a little while longer, I need to stay strong. I promised my mom I would stay strong.
