One Piece: Grand Endeavours

Chapter Forty-Four: Apologies

Usopp
How am I going to pull this one off? I really messed up. Actually I didn't just 'mess up'. I was entirely malicious with my statements. Kuro may not have hated me before but by now he will and I can't blame him for it. I would hate me if I was him! Plus now Danni has talked to me I am doubting why I said it. If I said it because I was still wary of him then it was horrible of me but at least has the potential of being excusable. However, if it was just stemmed out of jealousy then I am inexcusable and horrible. The only problem is I don't know which it is but I am really worried it is the latter. If I went that far just because I was jealous then how am I any better than anyone else? I get to his room and hesitate before knocking on the door.
"Kuro, can I come in?" I ask. "I need to talk to you."
"Sure..." Despite the reluctance and concerning lifelessness in his voice I'm just relieved that it is a 'yes' so I open the door, standing in the doorway awkwardly for a moment.

He is definitely down, slumped into the chair, looking extremely on edge. He is paler than usual and expression extremely guarded. Great, I finally started getting along with him and now all his barriers are up again. I messed up so much. After a few seconds hesitation I head into the room, sitting on the edge of the bed opposite him. A heavy silence hangs in the air, clearly neither of us wanting to be the first one to talk. After a few moments of that I figure I may as well get this over with.
"Look...I'm really sorry," I say. Surprise flickers into his features which makes me feel even worse. It shouldn't be such a surprise. I carry on anyway. "I'm really sorry about how I've been treating you."
"It's fine..." he murmurs still lacking life in his voice.
"No it isn't," I say, shaking my head slightly. "I was horrible. And for pretty much no reason except for the fact that I was jealous."
"Jealous of what?" he asks me, looking lost. You know, for someone so smart he does miss the obvious.
"Danni is always spending time with you..." I reply. He looks more lost and I sigh slightly, blushing at the fact that I have to admit this. "I...I like her."

"Forgot about that," he says. "Makes sense though..." He still seems lifeless and dejected though so I am concerned he doesn't actually forgive me.
"What's up?" I ask in concern. "You still seem really down..."
"Nothing," he states, lie extremely unconvincing.
"There obviously is," I push further.
"Just thinking," he murmurs.
"About?"
"About the futility of having motivation to move on," he replies, slumping more into the chair, chewing on his lip. "So nothing important." Okay, now he has lost me.
"What do you mean?" I ask him, trying to piece it together and failing."

He's quiet for a moment then sighs.
"It doesn't matter," he says, flatly, sinking slightly. "It never does."
"It does matter," I retort.
"Why?" he asks, eyebrows knitting together. People caring really is a mystery to him.
"Cause the crew is here for each other," I reply with a small grin. "And if you aren't feeling okay everyone will bother you until you are okay?" He nods. "So tell me.
"I'm just an idiot," he mutter. "I thought there was a possibility of me not being like my family but apparently not."
"You're better than them, Kuro," I say, trying to cheer them up. "You decided to stop with the shit they were doing."
"Yeah but I did similar stuff to them," he says. "I've shown that I'm exactly like them."

I flinch slightly as my words are used against me in his statements. I may have wanted to upset him but I didn't want to take it this much too heart. I didn't want to hurt him to the point that he believed what I said, making his self esteem take such a decline.
"Kuro, I didn't mean anything I said then," I say, trying to think of what I could say to cheer him up. "I was just upset and jealous and took it out on you."
"Doesn't stop it being true though," he mumbles. I consider and figure taking a more logical approach with Kuro may be more effective.
"Look, the past is past," I state. "The only way you are going to get over it is if you try to not blame yourself as much. A lot happened to you to make it happen, right?"
"I guess?" he murmurs.
"Exactly, so you need to learn how to forgive yourself. The rest of the crew have so at least try, okay?"
"Okay..." he agrees, a little of the dejection leaving his features and I smile slightly. Thank heavens, I was feeling really worried and bad.

"So...are you ever going to add any personalisation to your room?" I ask with a grin, deciding we may as well have a lighter subject now.
"Approximately never," he says with a small grin. "I never know what I want. I'm not exactly picky with a room. Quite a good thing really as room stuff is pricy...and besides. I don't need nice things."
"Hey, you could always get a comfier chair or not such boring bedding," I suggest. "Though knowing you you'll spend all your money on books and tea."
"Yeah, probably," he agrees. "Although a comfier chair is probably not a bad shout...or I could try convert my window sill into one of the sill seats..."
"Wrong kind," I say, glancing at it. "Otherwise though that would have been a good idea. Wait...is that tape holding your glasses together?"
"Yeah...They broke a while ago," he says with a shrug. "And my spares are an old prescription so they aren't great."
"Why not just buy some more?"I ask.
"Because glasses are expensive," he says, wryly. "Besides. I don't know my prescription because I lost it when the ship sank and whenever you have an eye test they always say your eyesight has changed even though it hasn't so they can get more money. Then they take days to arrive anyway so it means staying in one place." Huh, fair point...

"Can I give you some advice?" he asks me. I nod. "As much as I don't want to nag like everyone else, maybe you should tell her that you like her? Since you seem to get jealous telling her could stop something like this happening again..."
"I'm not ready..." I mumble.
"Fair enough..." he says, surprisingly not pushing it further like I expected. Makes a change from everyone going on about how cute we are.
"Gonna have some tea now?" I ask.
"May as well," he agrees, standing from the chair. "I need some caffeine..." We head to the kitchen, me feeling extremely bad for the line I crossed when I saw how badly it went. I silently promise myself that I won't let myself cross that line again. It isn't worth it.