Through the trees {4}

Prologue

Change.

I didn't often like it or the feeling that followed close after it. It was something that was unwelcome in my eyes for many reasons. The memories of what things used to be like and how happy I was, the unhappy feeling I had whenever I thought about where I had ended up, and mostly wondering about what could have happened instead.

Maybe I overanalyze too much, living too much in the past when I should be in the present. But how can I when everything I had ever known, done and felt was behind me, a place I could only go to in my mind? It didn't make much sense to me and I couldn't help but take a step back, after everything I still liked to run from my past, the very thing that shaped me.

I feel as though everyone around me is staring, waiting for me to unleash something. And I don't know what it is. Anger? Sadness? Are they waiting for me to pack up and leave suddenly one day? Because I can see that look in Edward's eyes, how he watches my every move and continuously asks where I'm leaving to. It's almost like he knows something I don't and feels the need to watch over me because of it.

"Violet," Edward takes the seat next to me as my eyes drift over the landscape beyond the windows, positioned on the couch in the living room of the Cullen household. The trees swayed softly and the sky clouded in a blurry sea of grey, it felt like my mind was projected in front of me. It fit perfectly with what I was feeling at that moment, rather empty. I didn't bother to acknowledge the boy, I knew what he was going to say. "Your thoughts are very loud today." 

I hummed softly, resting my chin in the palm of my hand. I could hear Rosalie and Emmett whispering upstairs, trying to be quiet for my sake but I knew they were talking about me and how distant I seemed to be getting. It made me wince. "You say that every day."

"I've never said that," Edward stated, knowing exactly how I was going to respond. Everything was just a constant cycle between us, neither of us knew why we tried to have a normal conversation anymore.

I turned to him, my face blank, "Then it must be your thoughts that are loud." It made him sigh deeply, he didn't know what was wrong with me but that was okay because neither did I.

Edward crossed his arms and slouched next to me, sharing in the nature watching as if he was made to attend. Why did he feel as though it was his job to look after me? Edward specifically? Maybe it was the thoughts he could sometimes hear or the responsibility he felt as a brother.

It wasn't that I didn't appreciate his concern it was just the fact they all made me feel like a fragile object, something to hold closely but carefully so as not to break me. But I wasn't fragile, was I? Did my mind plague me so much that I couldn't comprehend how I was acting, what I was thinking or what I was feeling? Because right now I didn't know what I was feeling, I didn't know what Edward could hear and that terrified me. It felt like I was retreating back into the scared little girl I once was, clutching the body of my mother with sobs wracking my body, wondering where my sister had gone and my brother, oh my brother. Had he seen me change that day? Had he witnessed me tear into my groom and our father, into all those people I left laying in the streets of the abandoned village? God, I hoped not.

Why couldn't I get out of this cycle? It had been weeks, maybe months, and all I could do was mope around in my shell of a body.

"Maybe you're frightened." Edward's voice tore through the torment of my mind, slowly unravelling the dark tendrils swallowing everything that was me.

I frowned, "Frightened of what?"

He shrugged, "Change."

Of course, he would say that, he could probably hear me scream it through my head, bouncing around like a constant echo that never wanted to cease, ringing in his ears painfully. Things had to change though, it was just a part of nature.

"Why?" My voice broke and I didn't even know myself to what I was questioning. If it was why I feared it so much, why he would say that, why-why I couldn't just let it go and move on like everyone else.

"Maybe because of the trauma," He spoke softly as to not upset me possibly, "Maybe after you changed... everything went too fast, you hated the thing you became and because of it you hated everything around it. The death, the destruction, the change. Maybe you're afraid of losing everything again so you think it best to run before things get bad."

Taking in the information, it made sense. I did hate it, all of it. It made me free of my father's and my husband's grip on me, their control, but it also made me lose everything I held dear. It was all my fault so why wouldn't I blame myself?

"It wasn't your fault, Violet." 

I sent Edward an unimpressed glare, "Yes, it was. You blame yourself for everything so why can't I?" It was a childish thing to say but it was true, Edward was a self-loathing, self-tormenting, and brooding... thing. Edward glared at me for that one, I only returned it with a sarcastic smile. "Weird how you can always read my mind when I'm insulting you."

Edward gave a short scoff though I could see a hint of amusement behind it, "Sometimes I think you just like to think them louder so I'm able to hear them."

I hummed and shrugged, "Maybe, who knows."

The two of us chuckled lightly, the house suddenly silent and I knew they were listening. I ignored the thought and lay my head on Edward's shoulder with a heavy sigh. Things will get better right?

I felt Edward nod above me, "I think it will. You just have to put in some effort too, you know?"

Author's Note

Hello everyone! I hope you liked this little chapter. I didn't feel as though it was chapter one, however, after I wrote it I definitely saw it as more of a prologue that could give everyone a feel for the possible turn this story could take and how the writing will change. 

Thank you for reading and please tell me what you think!