"Thanks for helping me with Noah today, I owe you."
She sent the text as she finished brushing her teeth. When she was done, she looked at herself in the mirror, taking in her tired eyes and the fine lines on her skin. Definitely not getting any younger. She grabbed her phone, turned off the bathroom lights and walked out to her bedroom. Just as she was about to plug in the charger, her phone vibrated against her hand.
"No need to thank me. How are you? It was one hell of a day."
Olivia smiled softly as she read the text and sat down on her bed. She started typing, but quickly deleted all of her words when that familiar shame washed over her. As much as she needed someone to confide in, she just couldn't bring herself to tell Amanda how she was really feeling.
"I'm fine. Good night, Amanda."
Praying that the blonde would let it go, she connected her phone to the charger, put it down on the table and climbed under the covers. Her mind was spinning, going over everything she had shared with Laurel, but more importantly, the things she hadn't shared. She had mastered the art of dealing with flashbacks without letting them interfere with her life, but she was just too exhausted tonight. Just as she started spiraling her phone vibrated again, and this time she flinched at the sound.
"Liv, stop. I know you're not fine. Talk to me."
Olivia bit her lip and felt the tears threaten to escape her eyes. Why tonight? Why did she have to push this tonight? I just want to sleep.
"Really. I just want to sleep and put this day behind me. It's fine. I'll see you tomorrow."
She let out a long breath as she turned on her side and closed her eyes. Just let it go, Rollins. Sleep never came easy for Olivia, especially after Lewis. She was used to an hour, maybe two, passing while she squirmed and turned. Inhale, exhale, slow breaths, working through every used up routine to calm down. Sleeping pills were not an option, so she had only herself and her body to rely on. Tonight, that body put up a hell of a fight and when her phone vibrated against her bedside table she was almost relieved to get some distraction.
"Fine, you don't wanna talk. But I know you can't sleep right now. How can I help?"
Olivia squinted at her phone, not quite sure where Amanda was going with this.
"It's late, why aren't you asleep?"
She watched as her message got marked as read and the small dots appeared. Amanda was typing.
"Because I'm worried about you."
Olivia's response came quick this time. She was getting annoyed and didn't like the way Amanda was pushing this.
"Well, stop it. Why can't you let this go?"
She immediately regretted her question. A question meant the conversation would keep going, and she didn't want that. Or do I? As soon as the thought entered her mind she shook her head, as if she could physically shake it off. Don't go there. Wherever "there" was.
"Because I care. Is that so hard for you to accept?"
Yes, Amanda. It is hard for me to accept.
"I just don't want you to lose any sleep over me."
Let it go, Amanda. Please.
"It wouldn't be the first time."
Olivia's eyes widened. Where was she going with this?
"What do you mean?"
She stared at her phone while she waited. Her heartrate increased with every second that passed while Amanda was typing.
