Almost Lost It All Andy Biersack X Reader

Summary:

Reader has trouble finding her place in the world but ends up finding her way eventually with the help of someone special.

Trigger warning:

Reader has self esteem issues , deals with depression and self harm. Smut

Word Count: 5,723

The world is cruel place. I don't understand why I'm alone though. Yes I have friends and family but it always seems like I'm invisible. No one notices me , no one ever has and I simply dont know what to do anymore.

I'm a wallflower I observe things and I understand them. The girls on the cheer team when I was in high school would pick on me since I was not like them. I used to be friends with them in kindergarten... Yes I was once friends with Lane and Riley. Believe it or not but Gabriel , the quarterback used to have a crush on me in elementary school. Everyday I get pushed around by them and get called names.

My parents never knew about the bullying still don't, I know how to hide the sadness inside me. I love them but they wouldn't see me the same after. If only those kids knew what goes on in my head than maybe they would have stopped. Maybe if they knew about the voices telling me to end it all. All the voices in my head telling me how pathetic and worthless I am.

Maybe just maybe they would have felt bad and stopped. All the long sleeves that hide the scars and new cuts..Hell if only they have knew how much I hated myself. I pray sometimes and the thing I ask for the most is a friend…

Your life was a mess.

The kind that was filled with endless despair, desperation, and meaningless sacrifices that ate out your hopes of a future worth waiting for. One particular day pushed you to your limit, and you almost accepted the fact that you weren't escaping this hell hole anytime soon and that the world was only coated in fake beauty in order to hide its ugliness, but one particular day, you also met someone with glossy and enchanting eyes that screamed defiance to your belief.

"There was a huge possibility that this was just a temporary feeling, that this might just be an effect of your overflowing anxiety, which made you want to seek shelter on someone who didn't know the downsides of living. 

However, you wanted to trust on that small but firm tug on your heart that this may be the start of a better life. "

You didn't know what you did wrong.  

You were lost.  

Maybe there were other things you could've done 

Maybe they weren't enough 

Maybe you had to try harder 

"𝑰'𝒎 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒆 

𝑱𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒊𝒈𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕 

𝑩𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝑰 𝒃𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 𝒄𝒓𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏." 

But in the end, nothing you ever did was enough. A single mistake exceeded all your sacrifices and achievements, and all you could do was accept it and start again. You were tired. You were tired of spending hours of endless sobbing in your room. You were tired of being weak. 

You felt tears threaten to spill from your eyes without your consent, but before you could let them fall down, you heard a subtle whisper. You opened your eyes in curiosity, scanning the almost empty park with a blurred vision and your eyes landed on him he was about your age about 5 meters away from you. He was crouched on the ground and you couldn't see his face with his back facing you.