Ambivalence - yoonseok

28 - c o n f r o n t a t i o n

This chapter is kinda all over the place, I'm sorry.

Unedited
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For the first time in a while, Yoongi woke up feeling good.

It felt weird at first when he realized it. He had woken up in his new and very comfortable bed, took a nice hot shower where he decided for the first time in a long time to shave, wash his hair and body in one go, (since his depression sometimes kept him from doing simple selfcare things) and admired himself in the mirror. Yes, he took the time to actually look at himself in a light that isn't self deprecating.

That was the weirdest part because he hasn't looked at himself in a while, besides the occasional glance. He's never really just stood and observed himself. And as he stood in the mirror, freshly shaved, naked, and hair stringy wet, he felt good. He even noticed that he looked fuller and healthier. His skin was flushed pink because of the temperature of the shower and it had a natural glow to it.

He gave a small smile at his reflection. Yes, today, he feels good.

He dressed himself in a random short sleeved band tee that Hoseok had bought him a while ago and since he still felt a bit warm after the shower, he decided on basketball shorts. The shorts were Hoseok's and the younger male gave them to him because he couldn't fit them anymore and was uncomfortable with how short they had gotten. On Yoongi, the shorts went a few inches above his knees but not enough to be uncomfortable to him. He hasn't worn shorts in a long time, but he wasn't as bothered as he usually would be on another day. Plus, it's the first time he's seen his legs in anything besides pants so he took a moment to admire them. He then joined Hoseok for breakfast in the kitchen. Hoseok made oatmeal with brown sugar and honey. He also chopped some strawberries and bananas on top and sprinkled a few blueberries in it because Yoongi had recently taken a liking to the fruit.

Despite the smile on Hoseok's face, the tension in the air felt thick. The male quietly ate his breakfast which was unusual. Hoseok would've already bombarded Yoongi with questions like "did you sleep well?" or "how are you feeling?" Instead, he was quiet and there was a weird aura around him that the hybrid couldn't figure out.

Towards lunch time, Yoongi definitely noticed that something was wrong when Hoseok had stayed quiet throughout the day. He mostly stayed in his office and when he did come out to make lunch, Yoongi noticed that he seemed pretty gloomy. It was a strange sight to see since Yoongi almost always seen Hoseok in a good mood recently.

It's been a week and a few days since their pajama onsie movie night and they've grown a bit closer since then. They started joking around more and became more comfortable in each other's presence. Within that week, Yoongi attended his first meeting with a psychologist and was currently learning how to deal with different emotions and to identify his triggers. This had helped him get closer to Hoseok because now Yoongi could better understand his conflicting feelings and share them with Hoseok.

Hoseok hasn't beeen doing too well, Yoongi noticed. He's been afraid to ask Hoseok what's wrong. He knows that he's bipolar but there's always this fear that the human would explode at him and just suddenly start yelling. Even on his good days, Yoongi can't forget the times where Hoseok has been rude to him. And sometimes, he fears that anything he does can trigger an episode of anger from the male.

"Are you okay?" He decides to ask after seven awkward minutes of watching Hoseok make a tuna sandwich. The red haired male glances up at him from across the countertop, tilting his head slightly.

"Why are you asking that?"

Looking away from his gaze, Yoongi pulls at the strings on his hoodie sleeve. He'll have to buy some new ones soon, all his hoodies are in the same position, quite literally falling apart by the seams. "You seem sad. You can't expect me to open up to you when you won't even open up to me."