Ambivalence - yoonseok

19 - u n d e r s t a n d i n g

Im sooooOoo sorry i haven't updated in a while 😭 I've been stressed and been working more hours + writer's block 😤

This is unedited because i just finished up this chapter at work on my 15min break so I'll go through and correct some stuff once i get home.

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Once inside Hoseok's house, Yoongi gathers some decent looking clothes and heads to the bathroom to take a shower. Hoseok barely even notices since his footsteps are so light.

After showering and drying off with a towel, yoongi dares to take a look in the mirror. The first thing he notices is his tired looking eyes with greyish undertones on his bottom eyelids. His eyes look glassed over, looking like he was about to shed tears. He takes in his pale face, with a few blemishes here and there, and his hair that had grown too long and was in need of a cut. His split ends were noticeable, prominent like the dip in his collarbones.

He analyzed his naked figure, ultimately letting the towel slowly drop to the floor. His shoulder bones were also prominent and made his arms look small. His stomach was flat and his ribcage stuck out under his pale skin. His nipples were pink and hardened under the cool air in the bathroom. Further down, he glanced at his hip bones which also stuck out unhealthily. His penis hung limp between his thin thighs, probably feeling a bit neglected from never once being touched or used in a sexual way.

The mirror ends just past his mid thigh, so he looks back up and stares at himself. Feeling complete with his evaluation, Yoongi concluded that he looked weak. He looked fragile and thin and unattractive. His self esteem was greatly lowered, lower than it had already been, and his self consciousness told him to hide everything. To wear pants that don't make him look so small, to wear a hoodie that can cover the expanse of his chest and cover his thin, untrimmed hair.

It was a mistake looking in the mirror. It always is, which is why he typically avoids them. He thought back to the beginning of the day, where he felt good. He woke up feeling good, he ate almost half a plate of food, but once he found out he had to meet new people, all that turned to a demon of depressive and self destructive thoughts.

With a sigh, he pulls his gaze away from the mirror and grabs his shirt. After putting it on, he then slides on his underwear and a pair of black sweat pants. Once more, he glances at the mirror and decides that he needs to hide more, willing himself to go to his 'room' and find a jacket or hoodie.

He takes light, slow steps down the stairs, admiring Hoseok's little fountain as he walks past it, and sits on the livingroom couch. Naturally, his ears focus on the sounds around him, his body going still to limit his movement.

He can hear a child laughing outside somewhere along with the gentle chime of the neighbors wind bells. In the house, he can hear the trickle of the small fountain, the almost inaudible whir of the refrigerator in the kitchen, and light footsteps padding around upstairs.

"Shit!" His ears flick at the sound, body flinching slightly in surprise. It sounded like Hoseok bumped into something upstairs and yelled our a swear.

Should I go check on him...? Yoongi thinks, ears twitching in an effort to hear if Hoseok is okay.

"Holy shit, that hurt." He hears Hoseok groan out.

His instincts told him to go check on him. Naturally, his caring sub nature is acting on instinctive feelings and that can sometimes be bad. Usually, Yoongi doesn't really feel this way. The only tine his instincts are in touch is when he's angry or scared. But this time, he felt the want to nurture something or someone.

He then realizes that, that must mean his preheat is starting soon. Hybrids progressively get more in touch with their animal sides during their heats, which would explain his sudden need to nurture a man who has admitted multiple times to not liking him.